A feeling of being seen, really seen, and understood is vital for all of us, especially those of us on a spiritual evolution path. It’s really difficult to continue expanding as a soul without the love, support, and challenging of those who know us on a soul level and who are also growing themselves. It is so important to find a community of like-minded people.
I know how easy it can be to rationalize that our old friends are already that. Making excuses for the fact that they are not as conscious or growing in the same direction as us. Or that we are the ones giving more in the relationship. As empaths (which you probably are if you are reading this!) we have the tendency to give more than others in our relationships. A true soul pod member gives you energy instead of depleting you, is positive and uplifting, like your inner supportive cheerleader, and has your back. A true family of choice.
We are all not lucky enough to be born into a DNA family that we resonate with. And that’s ok. While it is important to come to a level of peace and acceptance of those in our family of origin, it is definitely not required to spend all of our time with them, agree with them, or have them agree with us, or make our relationships as closely connected as society sometimes makes us think they should be.
We choose these families before we incarnate in order to learn lessons that we may or may not be conscious of in this lifetime. We can be open to and learn these things without placing forced attachment on the relationships. Your family members also are powerful souls, learning what they need to learn in this lifetime, but it’s not our job to teach them or change them. Accept them for who they are and find others in the world to help meet the needs that they often aren’t able to as we grew up or as adults.
Often, our closest family members, soul sisters, brothers, fathers and mothers, are those we meet later. When we really know ourselves and what we need.
I have seen this process play out in my clients as well. As they begin to awaken there is sometimes a period that I call “friendventory”. They start to become more aware of the differences in worldview, energy level, compassion, etc.. between them and their friends, family or other relationships. This can often be uncomfortable because when we are more unconscious it is much easier to maintain relationships with others on a similar level.
As we increase our consciousness it becomes more and more uncomfortable, until it is impossible, to maintain these relationships. As our sensitivity to energy grows it becomes increasingly obvious that these people are on a different path, and that to continue our growth we need to create some more space in the relationships.
There can sometimes be a period of loneliness between the time of letting some relationships change that are no longer serving you, and finding your soul pod. This period is necessary, however, in order to really connect with your soul and find out what you really want out of any future people you have in your life. It is sometimes tempting to maintain the old relationships out of loneliness, but this just depletes your energy. You are pretty awesome to hang out with, so just do that for a while, working on increasing your vibration even more to attract those higher frequency people you really want to hang out with.
As you ascend you will naturally continue to be surrounded with more and more like-minded people. I have seen miracles occur with my clients when they have the courage to let go of what is draining them and to step into a more empowered way of being.
It is really ok to have awareness of what needs to change for a while before you are actually ready to make a move. This is normal. We can’t change what we aren’t aware of so take however long feels right in the awareness stage of friendventory before you actually make the changes to live more in alignment with your souls truth.
Here are some ways to consciously move through the process of friendventory in your own life:
1. The first step is to really start checking in with your energy about your relationships. How do you feel in your body when you think about this person? Is it warm, expansive and light? Or dark, contracted or tight? There is no judgment in this evaluating stage, just investigating and noticing, and being honest with yourself about it. Do you feel filled up with energy being around this person, or drained and depleted? Again, be very honest with yourself. There is no good and bad in the evolution of your soul, but in order to continue moving forward, full honesty with yourself is very important. It is ok to stay in this observation stage as long as you need to feel fully ready to integrate the changes.
2. Once you have become clearer on the relationships in your life and how they are impacting your personal energy, and have been working on your personal vibrational frequency for a while, it’s time to start taking some action on changing them. Sometimes relationships can be transformed by authentic conversations.
You will be able to tell which ones fall into this category by speaking all of your truth, and seeing if the other person can hear you, really understand what you are saying, take responsibility for their part in things, and make appropriate changes going forward to incorporate what has been discussed.
If the other person gets defensive, does not take responsibility, does not make you feel heard and understood, and does not make changes to show they care about how you feel it may be time to reevaluate what role this person plays in your life.
3. As it becomes clearer to you who still works in your life as your vibration continues to elevate, letting go of the ones that no longer fit is the next step. It can be difficult to admit to yourself that some of these relationships no longer work, especially if they are long time relationships or even family members. Our logical mind and society might have tricked you into believing that history and DNA make you trapped in relationships that aren’t healthy for you. I’m here to tell you that is definitely not true.
We are born to evolve! We are super fortunate if we were born into families with people that will evolve with us and have found relationships at an early age with like-minded people that are also growing, but that is not always the case. Often we have relationships that are well suited for us at the time, and help us become more conscious, but we eventually outgrow them and need new people at our new level of awareness.
As empaths, we are also often drawn to people that need healing and tend to give too much in relationships. As we grow and love ourselves more, we feel the need to take care of others less and understand that every soul is evolving right on time, and no one needs us to save them.
4. We don’t always need to completely cut these old people out of our lives. It really depends on the situation and the relationship. As you continue growing into your magnificent authentic self it will become clearer to you whether you need to have no relationship, something limited, or something new.
It’s ok to continue having more limited relationships with people as you discover who does and does not serve your new energetic system. For example, if you discover that your sister drains your energy it doesn’t necessarily mean to never speak to your sister again. It may mean to limit phone calls and visits, and to practice shifting your frequency when you are around her.
The simple knowledge that the relationship is not feeding your energy system can be very empowering. It’s not personal, there is nothing to fix, there is nothing wrong with you for not having the kind of relationship you think you should with her. It is all perfect and how it should be.
5. If it becomes clear that someone is toxic, and you do not want to have any kind of relationship with them in the future, that’s really ok too. You can have a conversation with them and let them know that the relationship is no longer working for you and you need some space. Sometimes on peoples path of evolution they have never been told that there is something wrong or that boundaries need to be set.
You having the courage to be truthful in the relationship is really a blessing for both of you. You as an empath get to work on practicing assertive communication and setting boundaries which is why this person was sent to you in the first place. The other person gets to learn how to be more compassionate and that their behavior is not acceptable to you. This could help plant a seed for them for this lifetime or in the future. We are all evolving towards more compassion, and thank goodness you can be an enlightening teacher of love for this person.
6. As you become more clear on the relationships in your life and begin shifting ones that don’t serve you, you are clearing the path for the new more like-minded people to come in. You have learned so much through the friendventory process about your energy system, what works for you and what doesn’t, and how to connect to your inner truth about the people in your life that it will be so much easier in the future to find people that are more right for you in this stage of your evolution.
7. This is not a decisive list for everyone, because we are all so uniquely unique, but in general we want to look for friendships and relationships that:
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- Make us feel good! We want energy to flow back and forth and to feel light and energized during and after our time with someone else.
- Especially as we are on a personal growth path we want someone else that is also growing and evolving and is consciously aware of working on their inner growth. This helps them be a more healthy relationship partner, as well as helping us continue our growth.
- Are positive! We want people that have done enough inner work to understand that our energy impacts our reality. Thinking and feeling positively attracts what we want in our lives and we want to surround ourselves with people that understand that so that we can continue to keep our energy elevated!
- Help us feel heard and really seen. A basic human need is feeling heard and understood. We need people that really hear us and can validate our feelings and nurture us. This usually takes someone that has done enough of their own inner work that they don’t constantly get triggered into their “own stuff” and can stay present with us in ours.
- Are sensitive and understanding. Again, people that have some understanding of themselves enough to not get triggered and take things personally.
- Are authentic and deep. Sometimes conflict and misunderstanding does happen. It is important to be in relationships with people that are able to speak their truth authentically and be able to hear yours in order to come to a mutual understanding and move forward.
7. If you are at the stage of letting people go but haven’t quite manifested your full soul posse yet, here is an exercise to help your energy align to what you want. Visualize, multiple times a day, feeling loved, connected and nurtured by many people in your life. Create the feeling of connection and support that you will have when you have this lovely soul tribe around you in reality. If you have any relationships in your life like this right now and would just like more, a good place to start is to focus on the feeling that you have in that relationship and practicing transferring that out to the others that you want. Make it bigger. Make it huge, expansive, gigantic, sparkly and beautiful.
As always, the key to manifesting is practicing creating the feeling of gratitude for what you want as if it is already here. Because it really already is. You have just been living in a different vibrational frequency from it. Remember, everything is energy, when you change your energy on a subject your reality changes. You are an amazingly powerful being with the capability to create anything you want to in your life, including amazing and fulfilling soul pod relationships. They have all incarnated with you, and are just waiting for you to jump into the frequency of this reality. I’m so excited for you!
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
