My son lost one of his good friends this week. While I have lost people in my life as well, quite a few actually, I haven’t lost a friend. I was also an adult when I lost them, not a teenager like my son is now.
My son and his group of friends have all been connected since elementary school and are seniors in high school now. The love and 
connection they have shared has been beautiful, and the loss is all shared communally now.
It’s a different experience for me to be in the support role for someone in grief, rather than the one grieving and being supported. I’m so proud of the way my son is allowing himself to feel his sadness, to cry, and to talk about his friend and their shared experiences.
We’ve been feeling this a lot this week, and like all grief experiences, the sadness has been mixed with magic and laughter and regular life as well.
The community coming together to support the family has been so beautiful. The adults are all collaborating, and the boys are coming together as well. They are sharing stories and childhood pictures. They are going to his favorite places and listening to his favorite songs.
I told my son, that it’s not really his job and there is no pressure, but he has been through grief before. He knows how it goes just a little more than some of the others that haven’t been through it. I encouraged him to feel his feelings, to cry, and share and talk and to help his friends remember that a big part of grieving is the talking about it a lot.
I reminded him of some tips that his old soul (still in a not all the way mature teenage body ☺) I’m sure already knew.
Here is a brief synopsis that may be helpful for anyone going through grief right now. It happens to everyone, if you haven’t had the experience yet, you will. It will be hard and sad and beautiful and transformative, if you are open to it.
- Remember they are here to help:
I had a beautiful experience the day after my dad passed away. He loved his motorcycles. I went into his garage, sat on his favorite motorcycle, and felt the warm presence of my dad.
He felt like light sparkly energy, and his message to me was that he is all happiness and light and laughter now, and he wants us to feel that too.
He wants to help us with our grief and remind us of the light.
The other side understands that humans also need to cry and be sad, and they want us to express our feelings as well of course.
They also want to help us through the grieving process. They want to surround us with love and light, and to remind us of the happy memories.
They want to make the grieving process just a little bit easier for us. They love us so much and they realize that all is always well, even though us humans are sad and hurting.
I reminded my son that not only is his friend helping him through this, but also his grandpa (and grandmas) are helping him grieve from the other side as well.
- Grieving is talking and crying:
I mean I know it’s more complicated that this of course, and there are other steps that are helpful in the grieving process.
In my experience though, through my own grief, and that of family, friends and clients, the more the feelings are stuck inside and not expressed, the longer and harder the grieving process is.
I talk to some clients that experienced a loss 20 years ago that still can’t discuss it without breaking down. Of course, there is nothing wrong with crying about a loss, at all, but to me when that happens it is usually a sign of unexpressed and unhealed emotions about the loss and or the relationship.
I encouraged, and keep encouraging, gently and with no pressure, my son to keep talking about his friend and his feelings. I do this by asking him questions when I can sense he is open for that, by looking at pictures with him, by asking him how the conversations with his friends are going, etc.
There is no such thing as talking about it too much, especially at the beginning!
- Bring in the light and fun and happiness!:
So, this time this one was assisted by my son’s friend. He was a beautiful bright light in the world, and so silly and funny.
It’s pretty easy in this case to talk about the funny times, look at silly pictures, and remember his friends’ crazy antics and laugh.
This is so helpful during grief. They don’t want us to forget the light, the laughter and the fun! When we are able to mix this into the grief, it not only allows us to move through it easier, it also enables us to connect to our loved ones on the other side as well.
When we can remember the positive memories and hold this high vibration, we are more able to remember that there is no separation.
- Everything is energy, and energy never dies, it just changes form:
Our loved ones are never actually gone, there are even more around us after they pass than they were in life.
On the physical plane we have to use a phone or go see someone in person to have a connection. When people cross over, they are pure energy, and are able to be with us all the time.
Our loved ones on the other side are always trying to connect with us, and they are so happy and grateful when we notice a sign from them or reach out to connect ourselves.
They want us to feel them and remember them. They want to help us from the other side.
They want us to remember that they are happy and at peace, blissful and free, and only want that for us as well!
- Transformation through grief has no timeline:
Grief looks different for everyone, and there is no timeline.
It’s ok if you see a picture of your lost loved one after 15 years and it makes you cry. It’s ok to always miss them. It’s ok to talk about them forever.
Grief is a lifelong experience, that shifts and changes overtime, but we are never the same after.
I have seen time and time again, with myself, family, friends and clients the amazing and life changing transformation that losing a loved one can have.
I have seen a grieving mother completely shift her life and become an amazing artist, inspired by her son on the other side. I have witnessed a grieving widow completely blown open by the communication she received from her husband on the other side, opening her up to a spiritual awakening.
There are too many of these stories in my experience to count, but the takeaway is that is it is always an opportunity to awaken, or awaken even more.
While this has been a hard and sad week for my family, and we are always sending so much love to the family that lost their son, we have also felt the deep spiritual connection at this time.
I hope this can be helpful if you are in grief. I understand, I have been there, and I know it’s so hard. My heart is with you, and I hope you feel a connection with your departed one through these words. Blessings to you.
Read more about Spiritual Counseling with Shana Olmstead.
