Is there such a thing as being “too nice?” How can you tell if you are overgiving? Why do you feel compelled to overgive?
Most of my clients, and friends, and myself if I am not practicing mindful awareness, have a tendency to overgive.
This is because I’m really nice, the people I choose to hang out with are really nice, and that energy also attracts clients that are the same way.
This pattern often comes from being an old, compassionate, empathic soul. We have seen and experienced so many things that we are able to look at things in a balanced way and have compassion and understanding for everyone.
We want everyone to feel good, and the energy to always be harmonious. We are so sensitive that we would often rather sacrifice our own well being for the happiness of others or the group.
This all sounds so lovely, right? But y’all know the problem here comes when we are feeling resentful, shut down, abandon our own needs, and get exhausted from all the giving we are doing,
Most days I discuss this with clients, and it really came to light for me recently on a Zoom call with my friends. On our biweekly chat, we all went around and discussed all the ways we are noticing our overgiving tendencies.
This wasn’t a planned thing, one person just started sharing and then we all had similar stories. We all happened to be mothers as well, which can sometimes intensify this feeling. So many people and things need us all the time, so we have to keep giving…, right?
The problem was, each of us were kind of reaching the end of our giving ropes. Which is a good thing! We all, for different reasons, were starting to feel resentful, and wanting to make some changes about how much, how often, and who we give our energy to.
These are my favorite kind of people….the kind, sweet, compassionate souls. We will never stop wanting to give and help and serve the world.
In order to keep doing that successfully though, there are some ways to make sure you have a balance in your life of giving and receiving.
Like waves in the ocean, we have to be balanced. As the waves flow in and out, we have to be able to both give and receive in a balanced way in order to stay in harmony.
Some ways to notice when you are overgiving, and shift back into balanced energy are:
1. Notice the signs that you are overgiving:
You feel resentful
Your energy is drained
You are annoyed with the people you are “helping”
You are not feeling appreciated
You stop wanting to give
2. Check Your Expectations:
Often givers have conscious or unconscious expectations of those they are giving to.
If you are giving with expectations, it will most likely lead to disappointment.
Practice releasing expectations, and only give when you feel joyful, expansive energy about it. This feels so much better for both the giver and receiver.
3. Set Boundaries:
When you are feeling resentful, and giving too much, it’s a sign that you need to strengthen your physical or energetic boundaries, or both!
No is a complete sentence. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness and doing things out of obligation can lead to resentment.
Setting boundaries around your time, or things you are or are not willing to do for others helps you feel calmer, increases your energy, and shifts your vibration to a higher level.
4. Practice Enoughness:
Overgiving can be a sign that the giver doesn’t know that they are enough.
They forgot that they are a magical piece of the divine, a powerful spiritually connected soul.
The forgot that it is not their job to prove to anyone that they are worthy.
There are many reasons this develops, and some ways to work on shifting this are to begin noticing what you are feeling and thinking when you are giving.
If you are trying to make someone happy, or show them how worthy you are, or looking for approval, remind yourself that you are already enough.
Practice proactively repeating throughout your day:
“What if I’m enough?” and “I was born worthy”
You don’t need to give to others to prove you are enough.
5. Practice Receiving:
Givers sometimes also have a hard time receiving.
Practice awareness and say yes instead of no when someone offers to help.
Ask for help instead of doing it all on your own all the time.
Practice receiving loving energy from the universe.
There is so much energy all around, all the time for you to utilize to lift your own frequency.
For example: Imagine all of your cells opening up like sponges. They are attracting and receiving only the highest vibration energy molecules and filtering out anything else.
Visualizing this multiple times a day will help your energy system get used to the feeling of receiving and help you to feel more balanced.
Affirmations are also helpful to practice here: “I’m so happy and grateful now that I always receive all that I truly deserve” and “What if I easily receive?”
If you are reading this you are probably a sweet, kind, empathic soul. This will never go away.
Your first instinct will always be to give, and that is a beautiful thing!
Your soul’s work this time around is to learn to also give to yourself and receive. Help your soul learn this in this lifetime by creating a harmonious balance between giving and receiving.
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
