I think all of us have gone through times in our lives where we may not have felt as supported as we would have wanted. Whether it’s a uniquely difficult time that many in your life can’t understand, or it’s a chronic feeling of never feeling supported, not feeling supported is a common shared experience.
There are some patterns I’ve notice in my work with people around this issue, both common traits that perpetuate this cycle, as well as things
that help to turn it around.
I love to support people, as do most of the lovely sweet, people that I tend to work with. Some of the patterns in compassionate empathic people like this tend to be: over giving to the point of feeling burnt out and resentful, feeling independent and not liking to ask for help, sometimes being drawn to people that need fixing, and not knowing or loving themselves as much as they do those around them.
The problem with operating in this way is that people around you tend you assume you’re always fine and strong, don’t need help or support, and have unlimited energy to always give. This can leave you feeling isolated, drained, and exhausted!
I work with many people who are compassionate and giving, and also sad and frustrated, feeling unsupported but hiding this side from the people in their lives. They are so kind that they don’t want to burden others and end up carrying the whole weight by themselves. None of us need to do that though, burdens are meant to be shared.
Some ways to shift this pattern and feel more supported in the world are:
1. Support Yourself:
When you don’t find the support you are looking for on the outside, be the support you are looking for, for yourself.
Imagine how you would support a friend going through a similar situation and treat yourself the same way.
Instead of: “Why doesn’t anyone help me?”
Ask yourself: “What kind of support would feel good right now?”
And go do the thing to support yourself!
Nurturing yourself helps you get through the tough moments, as well as increasing your overall self-compassion, leading you to make healthier choices in your support group in the future, making it easier to say no and ask for help, and call in an amazingly supportive tribe!
2. Stop Doing too Much and Ask for Help:
You are never going to feel the support you are craving if you continue old patterns of over giving and not setting boundaries.
Practice saying no when people ask you for help, and practice saying yes when people offer you help. If people think of you as too capable to need help, proactively ask them, most people feel appreciated and helpful when they help others, so it is a gift for both of you.
Instead of: “No problem, I can help, I got it, etc.…”
Try: “No” and “I would really appreciate your help with ____”
It doesn’t take long to shift this pattern and feel more supported.
3. Evaluate Your Tribe:
If you are surrounded by people that you are always doing too much for and that don’t consider you as much as you do them, it may be time to change some things in your support group.
As you start saying more no, and asking for help more, pay attention to how the people in your life respond.
They may not like it at first, but will get used to it and start shifting their behavior as well. If they don’t, if they stay mad that you are not overaccommodating them anymore, or never give you the help you need when you ask, you may need to shift some of those relationships.
Instead of: “Why are these people so selfish?!”
Try: “My frequency attracts my tribe. The more empowered I feel, the more authentic support I attract.”
4. Visualize and Feel it:
It can be so hard to feel supported when we don’t actually feel that support yet in the physical world.
In order to manifest what you want in life, it’s so important to feel gratitude for it as if it is already here.
Spend some time feeling, visualizing, and speaking about the support that you want in your life.
Instead of: “I’m never going to feel support like I want.”
Try: “What if I’m getting closer and closer to the support I want?”
Meditating on a vision of yourself surrounded by a loving supportive tribe will also help your energy system be a match for that support in the future.
5. Remember Your Spiritual Support Team:
We are all always supported.
Universal energy, loved ones on the other side, spirit guides, angels, etc..whatever your belief system is, we are all supported by many beings and energy all of the time.
Whenever you feel unsupported, remind yourself and feel the energy of loving, light energy surrounding and supporting you.
Instead of: “I never feel supported”
Try speaking to your spiritual support team: “Thank you for energizing me, thank you for supporting me, thank you for guiding me, thank you for loving me, etc..”
Feeling and speaking gratitude for your spiritual support team increases your feelings of well-being and reminds you that you are truly never alone.
I hope you always feel supported, because in truth you always are!
