“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
– Ian Maclaren
I didn’t always believe this. I used to be fairly cynical, and judgmental, and sarcastic. I used to blame others for my problems and feel like a victim in my life. I used to be angry at others, and not know how other people could easily find forgiveness and happiness.
The statement “everybody’s trying their best” would have made me roll my eyes back then. Yeah right, I would think, some people are just assholes. This way of thinking was reinforced by my family of origin growing up, as well as my friends.
We were a very liberal family, and of course there was a lot of kindness to each other and other people. And this kindness, politically, was seen as our side was nice and wanting to help everyone, and the other side was selfish, and we should be angry about it.
While I get that perspective, it took me time and distance, and a spiritual awakening of my own to see that my energy really doesn’t like that way of thinking, and never really believed it. My soul always knew that we are all one, and that everyone on whatever “side” they are on, is trying their best.
Learning about myself through therapy, meditation, spiritual and self-help books, and training as a holistic therapist has only increased my understanding of the truth that no matter how it looks on the outside, people are doing the best they can. When they know better, they do better.
When I first introduce this concept to some people, they have a lot of resistance toward it. They have a lot of reasons, and neural pathways firmly entrenched in their brains to reinforce the notion that there is an Us vs. Them. That we are separate beings. That “They” are mean, or stupid, or malicious, etc.…
They have yet to come to the very freeing understanding that everyone is working through so many wounds, and lifetimes of struggle, and soul lessons, that we could never understand.
They don’t yet understand that if they are triggered by others, it really has more to do with them than the other person. My anger, and sarcasm, and victimhood feelings, when I had them, were my issues, not whoever I was blaming them on in the moment.
They don’t yet understand that every time they feel judgment towards another, it is an opportunity to go within. To cultivate compassion for themselves and the other person. To find forgiveness, because the other person isn’t doing anything wrong.
Now more than ever, it’s so important to recognize each other’s humanity! We are all souls on a mission of increasing our consciousness, whether we are yet aware of that or not. Let’s all walk each other home with love and gentleness and compassion.
Remember that if you are feeling angry or resentful of “Them”, that is only lowering your energetic frequency, and slowing down your own process of conscious evolution. And who wants that?
Remember that this judgment causes your energy to flow out of your body, decreasing your life force. And who wants that? We all need all of our energy right now!
I’m not saying that there is not valid anger, and frustration, and injustice out there. I am saying, the more we can come from a place of high frequency loving energy, the more change we can create.
The more we can remember that love and forgiveness is the most powerful frequency in the universe, so much stronger than separation, the more we help everyone expand and evolve.
Some easy ways to shift into remembering the truth, that everyone is doing their best are:
1. Be a Thought Detective:
For one week, nonjudgmentally observe your judgments. I know that sounds confusing.
Watch your thoughts and words and write down anything you notice that is judgmental to another person. Don’t judge yourself for judging.
As a human, it’s normal to have many of these thoughts, every day, so just do your best to catch as many as you can.
Observe what kinds of judgments you have, and about who. Simply creating awareness around your patterns often creates a significant change.
2. Create a Kindness Mantra:
Once you are more aware of your judgments, it’s time to start practicing shifting them.
Every time you are aware of a judgmental thought, come up with a personal mantra that brings you back into the vibration of love.
It can help to visualize the other person as a small child, this can increase your empathy towards them.
Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and repeat your mantra until you feel it in every cell of your body.
Some examples are:
“I am loving energy, and nothing will ever change that”
“We are all one”
“May you be free from suffering”
Spending just a few seconds reminding your energy system the truth that we are all interconnected spiritual beings will reset your frequency to a more healthy and positive state.
3. Shift Your Language:
Watch the thoughts you think, and the words you say.
Some examples here are:
Instead of:
“What an asshole”.
Try:
“I’m curious to understand their motivation”
Instead of:
“They’re stupid”
Try:
“They are doing their best; I’m going to explore why I feel the need to call them a name”
Instead of:
“She’s so mean!”
Try:
“I may not want to hang out with her, but I see her wounds that contribute to her anger and I send her loving energy”
This takes time and practice, and you will feel more and more motivated to continue this practice when you start experiencing how much better it feels!
This was a life changing lesson for me, and so many other people. It helps you and everyone else to start integrating this practice into your life!
Read more about Anxiety Treatment with Shana Olmstead.
