Life is here to teach us about ourselves. To teach us to become more forgiving, more compassionate, more aware, more joyful, more light. If we can practice looking at all of life as a way to learn and grow and become more conscious, problems become opportunities, and challenges become openings where more light can stream in to expand your consciousness.
I had a lovely conversation with a client this week. She is similar to many clients I have. Very sensitive and sweet, and a pleaser. Always wanting to do her best and prove her worth wherever she goes.
Switching to a new job, she wants to make sure she doesn’t repeat old patterns of crossing her own boundaries, 
working too hard and too long, feeling stressed and not knowing how to say no to her boss.
She described her old way of looking at work as always trying to improve and get better at her job, so that next time her boss would praise her instead of criticize her. Unfortunately, her experience with her old boss was that no matter how hard she worked, and how many times she bent over backwards to please him, he still was critical and did not praise her for her effort.
This system just wasn’t working. And it never does. This is so common, though. This trying and pushing and beating herself up to try to get even a tiny bit of validation. The people I work with are highly successful, highly intelligent, and very good at what they do. It’s such an interesting pattern to see that even with all of their success and talent, they still aren’t sure of their worth.
It is definitely a benefit to employers to hire these people pleasing amazingly talented souls. They work harder 
that anybody else. It is not helpful to the employee, however, to continuously try to prove their worth through work.
I often bring in work about self-compassion and looking at life as a way to evolve our consciousness when we are talking about this overworking pattern with clients.
We talk about where the pattern developed in childhood, and then come up with ways to practice kindness to themselves as well as looking at how it is helping them to grow in their awareness.
This doesn’t mean necessarily mean getting “better” at work, although a beautiful side benefit to becoming more aware and self-compassionate is that it does tend to improve work performance as well!
Some examples on how to move from a prove your worthiness mindset to a self-compassionate, conscious evolutionary mindset are:
1. How Can This Help Me Grow?
Instead of thinking:
“He told me that I was doing it wrong, I have to get better so he gives me praise next time instead”
Try:
“I did my best, I feel more forgiving of myself this time than I did last time!”
By reminding yourself of the bigger picture, that all of this life is a way to grow consciously, things feel so much easier and more meaningful!
Instead of your internal scorecard being how much or little your boss praises you, shift it to how forgiving you were to yourself, and how well you held your positive vibration through the experience.
2. What is My Intention?
Instead of thinking:
“I have to be firm with my work/life boundaries so my boss knows she needs to back off”
Try:
“I’m so proud of myself for my growth in honoring my own needs for time and space!”
Setting a positive intention for your actions helps you remember the bigger motivation for your actions.
Rather than coming from a place of defensiveness or conflict, remind yourself that all of this is here to help you grow, and you are doing so well! Encouraging yourself on your evolution helps you expand even more.
3. Be Kind to Yourself!
Instead of thinking:
“I can’t believe I screwed that up, I have to work twice as hard/long this week to make up for my mistake!”
Try:
“I’m going to change my old pattern of trying to prove my worthiness by overworking, and mindfully practice sitting with the discomfort of knowing I made a mistake and gently loving myself through it.”
There is no job that is ever worth beating yourself up for. Use work, and all of life, as a way to practice holding a beautiful self-loving vibration no matter what!
Evolution on a soul level is so much bigger than this job, whatever “this job” may be to you right now. It is the moment to moment practice of awareness of your consciousness. It is the forgiving of yourself as you shift old patterns and grow into the new version of yourself every day.
Evolution of the soul is never calculated on how many hours you worked, or what feedback on your yearly review you received.
Pull out, pause and remind yourself of the bigger spiritual picture often throughout your days to help you grow through what you go through.
