I hear the story all the time “It’s too hard to make friends as an adult” or “I don’t have time to hang out with friends” or “I’ve known them so long; I can’t change friends now.”
I think sometimes in certain stages of life, the importance of positive, loving friendships is underestimated. We tend to think we’re too busy, or need to spend time with our kids, or spouse, or family, rather than friends.
I talk to many clients who deprioritize deep meaningful friendships, and I believe that diminishes the 
richness and beauty in their lives. Friendships are a unique thing, personal to you, not about who you were born as, or what obligations you have in your life now. They are there to lift you up, to support you, to cry with you, and to really see you.
We don’t have to have a large number of friends to feel fulfilled in our friendship relationships. Research shows that even a few deep, meaningful relationships, those that you feel you can be yourself and could reach out in the middle of the night for support, protect us from many emotional and physical health challenges as we grow older.
Just because you are busy with life, and may have children, a big job, or a relationship to focus on, please don’t neglect your own emotional support system of positive friendships in your life.
Making more space for your own friendships will help you feel more connected, and better about yourself. It gives you an outlet for your feelings that your spouse or family may not understand, and a space for you to be free of responsibilities and just be yourself.
Some ways to get past the resistance and connect with a positive friend network are:
1. Make Space:
Let your family know that you are going to prioritize your own personal friendships more.
Take an objective assessment of how you spend your time and create an opening for new friends to come in, or more time with existing friends to happen.
You may need to shift some things in your schedule, or reduce time with other people (kids, spouse, parents, etc.), but you prioritizing soulful friendships is important!
2. Look Around at Who is Already in Your Life:
It doesn’t have to be that hard to prioritize friendship. You may already have these people in your life, and just need to put in a little effort to deepen the relationship.
That friendly woman that you chat with in yoga? Ask her to go on a walk and talk sometime after class, she may be your new soul mate friend!
Put some time on the calendar soon with the friend that you only see every six months, for no other reason but that you both are “so busy.”
3. Energetic Assessment:
To discern who you want to spend time with, just check in with how your energy feels when you are with an old friend or when making new ones.
Are you able to be yourself? Do you feel comfortable and relaxed? Do you feel energized, or drained?
True soul connections help you to feel loved, seen and cared for.
4. Pay Attention to How They Live:
When you are meeting new people, or spending time with existing friends, pay attention to if they are working on their personal growth, and if the relationship feels reciprocal.
Do they look for solutions to their problems, or just complain? Do they offer to support and listen to you, or is the conversation always focused on them?
It’s so important to pay attention in the beginning of a relationship, so you don’t end up feeling disappointed and resentful later. If you notice these things are present in an existing friendship, you can have a conversation about it, or create some distance from them.
5. Put in the Effort:
To create the kind of friendships you want, be the kind of friend you want.
Write a beautiful birthday card, expressing your gratitude for them in a vulnerable way.
Send a random text, telling them how important they are to you and a specific reason why.
Reach out to check in, reach out to make plans in advance, schedule a weekend away together periodically.
Friendships, just like any other relationship, thrive when fertilized, watered, and filled with sunshine.
You (as an individual) not just a mom, dad, brother, daughter, or spouse, matter, and your needs matter.
Feeling good about yourself by prioritizing the support and care of a positive friend network will help you feel balanced, and healthy, helping you to have the energy to take care of everything else you do in your life.
Have fun connecting with your support group just a little bit more!
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
