It can be so much easier to not allow ourselves to feel than to feel our feelings. Especially uncomfortable or difficult emotions. It’s so much easier to numb out, or stay in frustration, or distraction, or business.
Why would we want to feel things that don’t feel good? No thank you!
It’s so common to be unconscious of our feelings, but in that process, we are unconsciously run by them. Only if we allow ourselves to feel and express our feelings, are we able to truly release and heal them.
We tend to block our feelings for many reasons. Sometimes we’re scared or think we will be overwhelmed if we let ourselves feel.
So many of us grew up in families that just weren’t very skilled at expressing emotions. When this is the case, we tend to live more in our logical minds, using our brains instead of our true emotions to guide us. It makes it difficult to know how we feel.
Sometimes we think we are feeling our feelings, but really, we are just storing them all up, and then exploding or melting down. Pretending they don’t exist most of the time, and then repeating behaviors from your family of origin of shutting down, fighting, or having a breakdown.
This leads to stress, depression, anxiety and eventually can lead to physical symptoms in your body as well.
If you can let yourself access your beautiful emotions just a little bit more, it will help you to feel more balanced, peaceful, and grounded.
There are some easy ways to begin allowing yourself to feel how you feel:
1. Feel it a Little Bit Longer:
When you notice yourself trying to pull away from a feeling, stay with it just a little bit longer. Instead of pulling out your phone and scrolling, try taking a few deep breaths and reminding yourself “It’s safe to feel all of my feelings.”
2. Don’t Judge Your Feelings:
Any way you feel is ok. Most feelings only last about 90 seconds. It’s only when we add on the judgment of ourselves for having the feelings that they end up lasting longer and feeling so intense. Instead of beating yourself up for being a human with feelings, remind yourself “My feelings are valid, it’s healthy to feel my feelings.”
3. Make Friends with Your Feelings:
What if your feelings are just messengers? What if they are way showers for your path of evolution? Can you approach them with compassion and curiosity, just like you would for a friend? Rather than ignoring them, judging them, or allowing them to run your life, practice checking in with yourself like you do your bestie “Oh hey there sadness, can you tell me a little more about what’s going on? You are important and you matter to me.”
4. Self-Validation:
It’s so important (and overlooked) to give yourself validation for your feelings. Too much of the time we try to rush to the positive, and skip over understanding the feeling, or ask others to validate our feelings. Both techniques are so important, and I would just encourage you to add in some self-validation first. Instead of spiritual bypassing, or always needing others to tell us our feelings are ok, try nurturing yourself first “It makes sense that you feel that way, sweetie, let’s have a cup of tea and then go shift our energy.”
I hope you have fun practicing feeling to heal your feelings!
Read more about Anxiety Treatment with Shana Olmstead.
