Abraham Maslow defined one of the factors of self-actualization as “being independent of the good opinion of others.” Dr. Maslow spent much of his life researching and writing about the idea of self-actualization. He came up with a psychological theory of a hierarchy of needs. Starting at the bottom of the pyramid and moving upwards are: safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization.
He theorized that the needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before people can
attend to needs higher up. This makes sense. It’s difficult to focus on personal growth and self-actualization when you are hungry or have nowhere to sleep. The lower needs are motivated by deprivation, people work hard to meet these needs so that they can survive.
As we continue to meet these needs to our satisfaction, it increases the motivation to meet our continual growth needs. People innately need and want to grow and evolve. As we move farther up the hierarchy, we start thinking about personal growth and evolution, including a desire, as Maslow states, “To become everything one is capable of becoming.”
Maslow has stated since the original research was proposed that this hierarchy can be flexible and fluid, it is unique to the individual. Humans are resilient and have a need to continuously grow into our potential. In order to reach and transcend what we believe our potential to be, it’s important to solve any worldly concerns that may be getting in the way to the best of our ability. It’s really hard for most people to work on evolving spiritually when they are going through a divorce or bankruptcy for example.
All of the needs are important, they are like vitamins, we need all of them as humans. It is important to have enough resources to meet your needs for food and housing for example. When you are at least in a comfortable position financially for yourself it frees up a lot of time and energy that you can use to continue evolving as a person.
When you are able to make sure to find ways to connect socially, and have emotionally connected relationships with at least a few people in your life, you have even more energy and more of a buffer to continue your growth into your own personal potential. Feeling loved, cared for and connected with helps us to have the fortitude to continue working on self-actualization.
The next step in the hierarchy of needs is esteem. This means how you feel about yourself and what accomplishments and meaningful work in the world supports those feelings. Doing things you feel good about in the world makes you feel good, it’s pretty simple.
As these needs on the lower levels continue to be met, there is still this nagging feeling inside of wanting to be better or more. It is at this point often that my clients come into my office. I usually tend to work with people that are successful and have most aspects of their lives going pretty well. We may sometimes spend some time preparing for the self-actualization work by making sure that there is a strong support system and they feel good about themselves, but to me this is just laying the groundwork for the real fun stuff, evolution of consciousness.
Some of the aspects of the top of the hierarchy of needs, self-actualization are: transcendent or peak experiences, realizing personal potential and self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and helping others. To be able to move forward on these goals, understanding how you feel, and trusting this even if others in your life don’t understand, is essential.
You must turn up the volume on the small still voice inside that has always been guiding you, so loudly that you can hear it over the other, sometimes louder, voices of fear inside of you, or doubt from others in the world. This is the part of my work I love so much (I mean I really love all of it, but this part is super fun!).
Self-actualized people have trust in themselves and faith that their feelings and thoughts are valid, no matter what contradictory evidence may present itself in the outside world. And while it may sound strange, being independent of even the good opinion of others is very important.
I’m not saying to not take in praise or compliments. It’s very important to be able to receive love and support from people and really feel it. This helps both giver and receiver. I am saying to not base your sense of yourself off of any positive or negative opinion from anyone else. You are always the highest authority on you.
This also comes into play of course when the opinions of others are more negative. This is never really about you even though it can feel very personal. Anyone’s negative opinion of you or what you are doing is a projection of their own unhealed emotions. Don’t take it personally.
This is all easier said than done, but it is a skill that you can practice!
Some steps that can help you move into this lovely self-actualized place of not giving a S#@% (in a nice way) about other people’s opinions both positive and negative are:
1. Practice tuning in to your intuition:
Finding time every day to clear your mind. Meditation is a great tool for this. Another option is to have quiet time, preferably very soon after waking and before doing anything else. Just sitting and practicing awareness of your thoughts and feelings for 15 minutes.
These steps will help get you out of your thinking mind and more in touch with your intuition. This is where the answers to the questions like “What is my purpose?” “How do I move forward” and “What do I really want?” lie.
2. Validate yourself:
Before talking to anyone else about your ideas, find ways to validate them for yourself. Write them down after meditating for example. Start taking action and moving forward on them and see how it feels, to validate if it is the right direction for you.
You can tell it’s right if it feels good and exciting, again pretty simple. Don’t listen to the fear.
3. Practice non-attachment to other people’s opinions:
Just see how it feels to practice not caring what they think. So what if they think you’re crazy. Or amazing. Or stubborn. Or a genius. None of that really matters.
What does matter is you moving towards your own transcendence. You becoming more of who you are. Your process of self-actualization.
The more you practice non attachment to others opinions the easier it will become. Maybe start with that haircut you really want but don’t think others would approve of. You can start small, see how it’s not that bad, and your confidence and trust in yourself will continue to grow.
Moving towards self-actualization is a lifetime process. We are all doing it, consciously or not, we are driven to evolve. The more consciousness we can bring into the process, the easier it will be, and the more benefits we will experience like: more peace, fulfillment, joy, love, connection and bliss.
You Can Do It!
Sincerely,
Your soul
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
