We are taught that loyalty mean sticking with something or someone no matter what. That we should stick with our tribe and defend our beliefs to the death. That to shift or change the loyalties that we have had means that we are “giving up” or “quitting”.
This can lead often to sticking with things or people in our lives that are no longer good for us. It can mean sacrificing ourselves and our energy systems to this idea of “loyalty” that isn’t really relevant or helpful anymore.
I am not saying that loyalty is a negative thing. It is beautiful to be committed and compassionately involved in people and structures in your life. I’m just saying that following the idea of loyalty without questioning it is just living unconsciously. It’s just giving your power away to an old belief that was passed down from a time in which we no longer inhabit. This idea was helpful in terms of survival in a tribal way of life. If we were disloyal to our tribes thousands of years ago, we would probably die.
The time and place that we live in now is very different from this. Although our bodies still have the remembrance of a time when disloyalty may have resulted in real bad consequences (like death), in reality now those things don’t really happen.
In North America, in our current time, there are generally no life or death consequences to questioning the idea of loyalty in many aspects in your life. It may feel uncomfortable. It may result in a change in your life circumstances or support group. It may create a difference in the way you think you are perceived in the world.
It also is the only path to freedom and enlightenment. It is the way to truly know yourself and live authentically. It is a necessary part of the yellow brick road of spiritual evolution in your life.
This loyalty has shown up most often in my experience with clients in terms of family, relationships, and work. It is common to have unexamined beliefs of loyalty unconsciously keeping people stuck in old systems and patterns that are no longer conducive to their inner growth.
This is very common when it comes to family systems. We have the idea that we need to have a certain kind of relationship with our family members that sometimes are just not possible. We feel we must do things a certain way, or have a holiday in the same place even if our internal guidance really wants us to do something else sometimes.
In reality, while sometimes family relationships are very fulfilling and mutually energizing, sometimes they are also not. I am not saying to completely disengage in these relationships, but I am saying to start paying attention to your energy more, and using it to help guide you on what is good and healthy in these relationships and where and when to set some boundaries.
Some questions to consider reevaluating your family relationships are:
- Am I interacting with this person out of obligation or do I really want to?
- Am I staying living in my hometown out of guilt, instead of moving where I really want to go?
- How frequently feels good to me to interact with/see my family members?
In love relationships as well, loyalty can be a beautiful thing. It is inspirational to see couples who have been growing together and beautifully connected for decades. When unexamined, however, the idea of staying together forever no matter what can sometimes be detrimental.
In extreme examples, when abuse is present, cultivating loyalty for yourself and getting the heck out of that relationship is much more healthy than staying in a dysfunctional marriage. It can be harder to know what to do when things are more subtle however. Should you stay or go if things aren’t abusive but also aren’t healthy for you or your partner?
Starting to ask yourself some questions to open up other possibilities is the place to begin expanding your consciousness about love relationships:
- Am I in this marriage right now because I am in love and am growing with this person, or only out of this idea of “loyalty”?
- Am I not expressing my truth in my relationship because I am worried about being disloyal?
- Am I listening more to my rational brain telling me I need to say than my own emotional guidance system?
In work as well as relationships, the idea of loyalty can be both a positive when approached mindfully and examined, and a negative when it is unconsciously running your life. Although as a society we are evolving out of the old system where we were tied to one job or career for our whole working lives, there are still many people who are staying in jobs or careers that no longer serve them out of this idea of loyalty.
This is great for the corporations and systems that employ these super loyal people. They benefit from this system, and know that their employees will keep putting in 110% no matter how hard it gets. Unfortunately, this unexamined loyalty is not always healthy for the employee.
Staying in a job, and putting in the majority of your waking hours doing anything out of obligation, rather than inspiration, leads to unhappiness, stress, disharmony and disease in the body.
Some questions to start with when questioning your job/career loyalties are:
- Am I staying in this job because I don’t want to let people down or are worried what they might think about me leaving?
- Am I in the career I’m in right now because I really love it, or because I’m good at it or have education or training in it?
- Do I feel obligated to do what I do because of other people?
It is lovely to commit. It shows character and maturity to be able to stick with something no matter what. It is beautiful to commit to things and people that serve your growth and evolution on a soul level. It only becomes a problem when that commitment becomes unconscious blind loyalty.
We just need to make this loyalty a consciously examined thing. Rather than saying to ourselves “I have to stay committed.” A more evolved way of being is curious, “What is in my best and highest good in this situation?” and “Is this still helping me grow?” and “Is this creating happiness and aligned with my frequency?” With this conscious questioning we allow the deeper truth of our being to guide us into more alignment with our soul.
We must always be loyal and committed to our own energy system. Our highest and best commitment is always to ourselves and our spiritual evolution. In this way we benefit ourselves as well as the collective. I invite you to commit to find ways every day to express this commitment and loyalty to your own conscious evolution, in service of helping all of us evolve.
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
