What does it mean to mindfully communicate? To me, this means to come to each interaction with being the highest version of yourself. To approach conversations with love, compassion, and curiosity. To make sure to respond, rather than react.
Of course, this is a practice. It’s close to impossible to show up with perfect communication all the time. The practice is simply doing your best. Practicing aligning with your higher self in your interactions and letting them lead the way.
In my practice, I’ve noticed a few different themes of ways that we get in our own way of communicating mindfully. One is anxiety, or overthinking. This can happen in all relationships but can tend to be most common when meeting new people, people of authority or that you want to impress, or toxic people.
Another theme that I notice is almost the opposite of overthinking in conversations, being too comfortable and not aware of how you are behaving. This can look like disengagement, or annoyance and reactivity. This tends to happen with people you are probably pretty comfortable with whether they are your partner, family member or coworker.
So there is pretty much one way of solving all of these ways of being misaligned in communication. Practicing mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are the observer of what is happening, without judgment. Mindfulness allows us to witness what is happening, including our own internal feelings and responses. Mindfulness gives us space between feeling the need to react and actually responding. It gives us the opportunity to be in the moment and allow our most authentic self to come into the conversation.
When we are able to be mindful of our own energy system, thoughts, and feelings, we can notice more quickly when we are feeling triggered to say something that is not in the highest good of all involved. We can also notice more quickly when we are feeling triggered to shut down or contract in conversation and make the choice instead to stay present.
When we are not mindful, we tend to be in our heads, over-worried about potential problems, or stuck in old habitual patterns of communication that we aren’t even aware that is happening like feeling attacked and either retreating or attacking back.
A general mindfulness practice is the best tool for building the mindfulness muscle. The more mindfully aware you are all of the time, the easier it is to be able to remain present and engaged in communication. Some ways to practice mindfulness in everyday life are: mindfulness meditation, taking a mindful walk, and checking in with how you are feeling frequently to create more of a baseline awareness for yourself. There are many other ways to practice mindfulness, and I encourage you to find ways that work for you and practice often.
Some tools that I have found effective in my own life, and have worked with clients on will help you stay present, engaged, and mindful in interactions:
For anxiety, there are similar but slightly different tools that can help in these categories:
1. New People:
It’s super common to feel anxious about meeting new people. This can show up in a new job situation, or meeting your new boyfriend’s friend group, or many other moments in life.
First, remind yourself that it’s ok and normal to feel how you feel. Lots of people feel some anxiety sometimes. Naming and validating your feelings is proven to reduce their intensity and duration.
Remember that the other people are probably nervous too, and they are definitely not judging you, they are thinking about themselves just like you are.
Next, focus on times you have successfully met new people in the past, you can do this!
Then, visualize yourself having fun, feeling relaxed, engaged and laughing with the new people.
Find some fun ways to shift your energy before you meet the people. Listen to super fun music, meditate, and focus on good feeling thoughts.
Remember to practice mindfulness when you are there. Feel your feet in your shoes, place your hand on your arm to connect with your body, take some mindful breaths. The more you are in your body, the less you are in your brain thinking about your anxious thoughts!
Ask people questions about themselves, people love to feel seen, and focusing on getting to know them will feel good to both of you!
2. People you want to impress:
This can show up in a job interview, for example, or before a first date that you are really excited about.
The same steps as above definitely apply, so do those.
Remind yourself that you are ok no matter what. Whether you get the job or the girl, or whatever you think you need to be happy, you don’t.
You are a divine being of light, and you already have all you need. The more you can remember that the more you will be able to reduce the fear that if you don’t get the thing you think you need that you won’t be ok. You really will. All is always working out for your highest good!
Bring in the light. How can you laugh about what is happening? How can you see the serious middle-aged person that is interviewing you as a purple monkey, for example? How can you remind yourself that no matter how beautiful and amazing the girl you want to impress is, she also does embarrassing things like picking her nose? We are all human. And silly.
3. Toxic or difficult people:
So the first step here is identifying the toxic person. Sometimes when we feel anxious it’s because we are around someone who is not a good fit for our energy system.
I will expand on this, in another post, but some ways to identify them are: they are not able to hear or validate what you are saying, they are unable to regulate their own emotions, they blame or name-call you, they have abusive language, you just feel crazy or on edge around them.
Before we realize this there can sometimes be some self-judgment for not being able to be calm around them.
In order to manage this anxiety, we need to identify that it is not personal. If you are trying to have a reasonable conversation with someone who is unreasonable, of course, you will feel uneasy!
We all sometimes need to deal with people who are difficult. Whether it’s a boss or a family member (it shouldn’t be a friend or partner, however, if this is the case we have a whole other conversation here about respecting yourself enough to leave those relationships!)
When it is necessary to be around them, incorporate all of the steps for new people, and also remind yourself that it is not personal.
With toxic people, it is especially important to manage your expectations. You can’t expect a rational response from an irrational person.
Engage as little as possible, and stay on message.
Visualize surrounding yourself, the other person, and the whole interaction with white light. Remember everything that’s occurring is for the highest good of all involved.
Remember that anyone difficult in your life is a personal emotional trainer, here to help you grow. Ask yourself, how is this situation helping me to grow?
Practicing mindful communication, especially with people that aren’t doing it with you, isn’t easy! So give yourself credit for undergoing the hard work of changing your patterns. Give yourself a pat on the back, and acknowledge your growth in your practice of mindfully connecting with people. This keeps the positive momentum moving forward!
Next time I will go over some more ways to communicate mindfully with those close to you in your life.
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
