We found a to do list of my dads’ after he died. It was such a nice snapshot to remember him and the way he lived his life. My dad loved to feel good. He liked a good cocktail, a good old movie, a ride on his motorcycle, a walk in the woods. He liked to feel good and to help others feel good. He made this a priority.
The last item on his to do list was pretty simple, and really encompasses all of the other parts. “Enjoy the day.” Yes, he actually put this on the list. And yes, he actually did prioritize this in his life.
I work on remembering this and integrating it into my life as well. If I pay attention to the things I enjoy and incorporate the other parts of my life around them, instead of the other way around, I feel so much more energized and balanced.
The to do list literally outlines some of the ways that my dad this this in his life. On the list, some of the ways my dad did this that I work on incorporating every day are:
1. Stay busy (but not too busy:)
Even the fact that this list exists, shows that my dad loved projects.
On the weekends he would always be fixing something, or organizing something, or weeding something, or exploring something.
He liked to feel productive.
He also made time to rest and nap. He got the things on his list done, and then let himself relax, and watch an old movie on the couch.
He knew that the couch felt much better after accomplishing some things that made him feel good.
So, get your stuff done, then congratulate yourself and take a break!
2. Do things that make you happy!:
One of the items on the list was to get chicken for the barbeque. He loved his food, and he loved to get an idea for dinner in the morning (or the day before) and plan his day around finding the ingredients and making a delicious meal.
Whether it was the specialty butcher for the very best steak, or the farmers market or organic grocery store for some obscure ingredient, the process of gathering the ingredients, and preparing food with love made him happy.
What brings you joy? How can you bring it into your life every day?
3. Doing things for others:
Another item on his list was “wine for neighbors”. While we can only guess what this means, it shows another way that my dad prioritized his life. Wine was important. People were important.
He liked to do things to help people, and if it involved having a glass of wine and important conversations afterwards, even better!
Are there ways that you can reach out to help someone today?
4. Connecting with new people:
The wine for neighbors’ item on the to do list was probably a gift or thank you offering for some neighbors that had turned into friends
He loved to connect with people. He would say hello to people wherever we went.
On road trips wherever we stopped at a restaurant or coffee shop, by the time we left he had met the owner and learned their life story. They were now friends for life.
He traveled a lot and met new friends everywhere he went. He knew that everyone had an interesting story, and always was so curious about people.
How can you express curiosity today about someone new today, even if it’s not in person?
5. Exploring:
Maps. Just maps was on the list. Also “unpack”. These two make sense to me, and perfectly explain who my dad was. He loved to wander. He would take his motorcycle and just drive. Sometimes with an end goal in mind, sometimes for the fun of finding new destination.
He loved to take the long way. To stop at the hidden diner or fresh seafood shack, or coffee shop off the beaten path. He loved to find new places and new people along the way to connect with.
He often drove or rode on his motorcycle to our family ranch about 10 hours away in California. He loved these getaways and so I’m assuming the “unpack” means from a trip like this, or another trip.
He loved to explore and to travel. He spent years living abroad and found so much joy in finding new adventures in the world. He also was very organized.
What can you explore today?
6. Marie Kondoing:
He found joy in unpacking and organizing his things where they were supposed to go.
Everything had a place, whether it was his tools in the garage, or his socks in his sock drawer. It felt good and safe to him to have things in their places.
It felt good to him to have an organized and relaxing environment, full of things that brought him joy.
Can you take a baby step towards a peaceful environment today?
7. Connect with the people you love, a lot:
The last item on the list was the best, it was to call me and my sister. This was just too cute.
I loved to talk to my dad. We were good friends. He was there for me often during times in my life that I needed to cry to him, or vent to him, or be excited about something with him. He could listen when I needed and give good solid dad advice when I needed that as well. I know my sister feels the same way.
That item on the list also just shows that another value that my dad held very highly was his connection with his family. He talked to his mom often until she passed, as well as his siblings. It was so important to be with family as much as he could, on holidays, and in the summers we would all gather at the family property in California.
He was a great dad to us, and a super fun and goofy “Uncle Pete” to our cousins. He was the fun one that would splash in the pond and organize everyone to come together.
He would also be the one to stay up late telling stories and giving the best most emotionally touching toasts at any meal or celebration. He was also the one that had the real conversations with everyone, asking challenging questions and being there for emotional support when anyone needed it.
How can you stay connected with a loved one today?
Prioritizing enjoying the day is always important, but especially now. While all of our worlds are upside down, integrating the practice of enjoying the day now will help you do this even easier when life is back to “normal.”
I hope you enjoy your day!
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
