So, I work with mostly empathic people. I also live in a pretty liberal bubble in the Seattle area, so many of my clients are also progressive in their beliefs. Of course, not everyone is, and I feel so grateful to learn from those who are not! I have noticed a pattern lately however, three clients in a row today made this really clear to me.
Empaths are lovely and compassionate, and sometimes they have the hardest time feeling that empathy for those they don’t believe are empathetic.
When we are discussing the current state of the world, they say things about people who view things differently than them like “how can they think that way?” or “I just don’t understand why they don’t care.”
They are talking about big issues like race, and health. Right now these issues are being politicized in the world, and my clients who are on the left and feel that black people are negatively impacted by a history of systemic racism in this country don’t understand the other side, people that say things like “all lives matter” instead of “black lives matter.”
They also don’t understand those who don’t wear masks or are doing less social distancing than they think is appropriate right now. They are angry about this and wonder why those people just “don’t care” about the world or keeping everyone healthy.
These are the same people who care very deeply about everyone and everything. They want all of us to get along, to stay healthy, to have enough to eat and to be kind to each other. The intention is beautiful, and I completely understand it.
I think the only problem is when the judgment of those on the other side gets in the way of understanding, and makes the divide worse. Empathy means empathy for everyone. Not just those who believe and behave the same way as you do.
I believe that those who believe differently than us can teach us so much more than those who think the same way. How can we be collectively working on understanding rather than judging those we don’t understand?
Here are some ways that work for me to stay in a compassionate and understanding place, and that I have been sharing with clients and those in my life that just don’t understand how “they” don’t understand!
1. Get Curious:
Instead of asking “why don’t they understand?” ask yourself, “how can I understand them?”
I have clients and relatives that are very judgmental for example of those who don’t understand the issues around race equity for right now.
Instead of sending those you disagree with articles or research studies on your side of the argument, I would encourage you to go under the surface with them emotionally.
Asking questions like “tell me more about why you feel that way” and “help me understand how you came to your beliefs” are a much better way to build a bridge of understanding, rather than a wall of separation.
Being able to pull back and look at the differences between us as a completely valid emotional response, rather than something wrong or bad, will help all of us evolve.
For example, many of the reasons I see and feel that some people have a hard time relating to the anger about systemic racism, is that sometimes in their own personal history they have felt that they had to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, and don’t understand why people of color just don’t do the same thing.
This perspective is valid, even if mine is different, because of my different life experiences, environment, and education. Understanding an empathizing with this perspective rather than meeting it with anger, helps to transmute it.
Only then can we possibly meet each other with less resistance and more connection.
The more we can all reach out and understand the emotion underneath the surface, the more we can all lift each other up rather than judge each other.
2. Don’t Judge:
I mean, this is pretty self-explanatory. I know it’s easier said than done, but so many of us slip back into judgment so easily.
When there is so much judgment on earth, this consciousness can feel strong and easy to identify with.
It just takes a little mindful awareness in the moment to practice shifting this, however.
An example that is very clear right now is masking and social distancing. I have clients on all ends of this spectrum right now. I do have some who are judgmental of those who are not distancing or masking as much as they are right now.
I understand the fear that this creates in some people, it can feel like the “offenders” are making the virus and lockdowns extend FOREVER and endangering everyone’s health
Staying stuck in this judgment, however, not only doesn’t change their behavior, but it the stress of staying in that judgmental place actually lowers your immune response as well.
If you notice yourself judging people who believe differently than you, who are or are not wearing a mask or social distancing like you think they should, who are or are not protesting like you think they should, or who vote differently than you do, I encourage you to practice loving them instead.
Just slow down when the judgmental thoughts come up and remind yourself that you are safe. That all of these different beliefs and behaviors are valuable. That all is happening in divine timing for us to learn and grow.
And above all, that everyone who triggers judgment in you is actually your greatest teacher. So, say thank you, and use that moment to turn to your higher self and send them love instead.
3. Expand Your Bubble:
I think so many of us surround ourselves in the real world and online with people that believe the same way as we do.
This has only increased in recent years with everyone being on their phones all the time and politics feeling more and more divisive.
I understand that this feels good and validating our own belief systems is also important.
I also believe it’s very important to understand how everyone feels, not just people who have similar beliefs to us.
I encourage you to practice raising your vibration, and then just dipping your toe a tiny bit into reaching out to or reading about people who believe differently than you.
Practice really getting into their shoes and trying to deeply understand their perspective in order to expand your own.
4. Everyone is Doing Their Best:
One of my core beliefs is that everyone is truly doing their best, and when they know better, they do better.
If we all truly believed this, there would be no judgment. Everyone is doing the best they can from their level of consciousness at the time.
Reminding yourself of this if you slip into judgment can help you slip right out again and back into a place of high vibrational harmonious understanding again.
5. Remember That Separation is an Illusion:
We are all one.
We are all one.
We are all one.
This is all I need to say, and it is the truth. They are us and we are them. Your judgment of them is your judgment of yourself.
Any anger or separation means we are disconnected from the spiritual truth that we are all one, and all come from the same loving source of the divine.
We are here to collaborate, lift each other up, and expand our consciousness together, not fight and yell and judge each other.
It’s up to us to hold space for EVERYONE. Not just those who we feel are evolved, or think like us, or are similar to us. This helps our own energy continue to expand and evolve, as well as helping everyone else on the planet.
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
