Every Thanksgiving my dad used to have us go around the table and say what we are thankful for. Yes I know this is a common thing to do on Thanksgiving, but it really felt special when he did it. He had a presence about it, people sat down, shut up, paid attention and were all in the moment of appreciation together.
Since his passing a few years ago things of course have been different. The first year he was gone the family gathered for a memorial for him on Thanksgiving because that was one of his favorite days. We were all together, sharing stories, food and drinks and gratitude for each other, what is and what was. It was a blur, I’m pretty sure we shared appreciation around the table but I don’t remember who started it or much else about it. I do remember it was not the same without him.
The next year we had Thanksgiving at my sister’s house with other relatives. It was loud, chaotic and again very different. Without either of my parents alive on this planet anymore, holidays are something I am still figuring out how to do. Memories, traditions, and people are all different now. Last year I do remember being uncomfortable, and feeling strange. I do remember attempts by a couple of people to bring in Dad’s going around to give thanks tradition. Without my dad’s big booming voice and personality, however, nobody sat down, shut up or paid attention. People were still talking, drinking, and not being present. It was not the same as it used to be.
In past years, holidays were always lovely, but often I felt torn. My parents were divorced, so many years I would have multiple Thanksgivings, or have to decide which parent to celebrate with. While they were still alive I would feel a little stressed or annoyed that I had “so many” people to see and places to go to celebrate. I didn’t understand how blessed I was. I didn’t realize that things would soon be so different.
My mom’s house for Thanksgiving was quiet and peaceful. She was an amazing cook and made a wonderful spread always. We would eat all day and sometimes play games and puzzles. We would drink wine and share stories and celebrate together.
Now, with these two anchors in my life blissfully enjoying their time on the other side, it’s up to us humans that are here to find new ways to celebrate and new ways to find appreciation, especially on Thanksgiving.
This year I am hosting a small gathering of my sister and her family and me and mine. I want to bring in the memories of our close ones who are no longer here, as well as bringing in some new traditions to celebrate. I want to celebrate gratitude and connection. I want to have a peaceful gentle vibe on the holiday. I want to honor our energy as a family, and truly be present. I want to not worry too much about formalities or timing, and more about love and what really matters.
Big changes or losses can bring about big appreciation. I know for myself I have so much appreciation for the family that I do have now. I’ve always really loved and enjoyed my family, but as it has gotten smaller my appreciation has grown. I’m so grateful that I like my family because I know that’s not always the case for everyone. I’m so grateful that we are close enough to see each other frequently. I’m so grateful for the history we share, and can continue to keep our mom and dad alive through stories and memories.
There is so much to appreciate (everything is a miracle!) and having things stripped away can definitely increase the awareness of this. My hope is that this heightened awareness of the uncertainty of life and appreciation of it will continue to allow me to deeply connect to those in my life that I love.
I also have a profound sense of gratitude for the depth of the relationships I have now with my loved ones on the other side. They can be with me even more now, and they bring me a sense of comfort and peace. I know they are especially present in family holiday gatherings, it brings them great joy to see us together, and to know that they are remembered by us!
My intent is for those of you who have lost loved ones to connect with and honor them on this upcoming holiday. Talk about them, share memories and pictures, they love the holidays! For those whose loved ones are still in their bodies, I wish for you to more deeply connect and appreciate them because things change. People leave their bodies. People get sick or lose their memories. New people are added to the family by circumstance or birth.
What I’ve learned about appreciation has deepened so much as my life has changed over the years. I have learned from my experience with lots of people, places and things to juggle, before my parents passed, and now with having fewer obligations.
Now that I have had both experiences, I’d like to share some ways to find and maintain a connection to deep appreciation without having to lose important people in your life.
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Always start with yourself:
Make sure to remember to take time to connect with and appreciate yourself. During the busy holiday times it can be more difficult to take the time to go inward, take care of and connect with yourself. This is so important, because if we are busy, or giving too much, or feeling other people too much, we are not able to be present to appreciate anything or anyone.
Make it a priority to take some time away to be still and breathe. Possibly a solo walk, or a few minutes of quiet meditation even when it seems too busy to do so. This will help align your energy and give you the space to appreciate yourself. In this way, you will be able to more deeply appreciate those beautiful people and things around you as well.
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Write a gratitude letter:
This can be useful for people in your everyday life, as well as those at a distance. I discovered this exercise after my mom passed away. I wrote her a letter expressing my appreciation for her and all that I learned from her in my lifetime. I also did it for my dad after he passed. I know they felt this connection from where they are, and now I make more of an effort to do this for people in my life that are still alive as well.
Just find some quiet space, and I think its best when it’s handwritten. Think of some things you are grateful for, and just things you love about that person. Send it in the actual mail. It will feel so good for them to receive something special from you at this dark time of year and the love will expand to those around them as well.
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Tell the people you love why you love them:
This is similar to the gratitude letter but it is an actual IRL experience! Each person that you spend your holiday with this year would love to hear from you something you love about them. We don’t share enough in person with our loved ones why they are so special to us. If I had known that time was short on the planet with my parents, I would have done this more while they were alive.
If you are not used to this practice yet, or feel uncomfortable to begin, an easy way to start is to write just a small note and read it to them. As you continue this practice it will get easier and feel fun. You can feel the positive energy when it’s happening, and as it grows it expands out to others as well.
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Write a gratitude list:
Like I know, we all understand this is a good idea. We hear it all the time. A gratitude practice is super important in increasing your happiness and manifesting what is next in your path of evolution. At this time of year taking time to connect with what you are truly grateful for is where it’s at.
Just pick 3-5 things that you are grateful for, specifically over the past year. Take some time to write in more detail than you normally would, what you are grateful for and how it feels. Really taking time to savor the feeling of appreciation strengthens it and increases its power to create more magic in your life.
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Spend special times with people who really are special to you:
Holidays are meant to be spent with family. This doesn’t always have to mean the family we were born into however. Many times we don’t resonate or feel comfortable with our families of origin like we do with other people in our lives.
In order to be in the optimal state of appreciation, make sure that you are checking in with your energy about the people you are spending time with. You are allowed to pick your family of choice to spend special moments with. People that really see, honor and value you. People that are at a similar level of consciousness and vibration to you. That you feel comfortable and safe around.
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Savor the energy of the experience by being present:
I know, like most people, I might not have been as present as I could have been during past holiday gatherings. Maybe I was thinking about if my mashed potatoes had enough garlic, or why I had to drive 3 hours with my toddlers in the car, or how annoying one of my family members was being.
This is normal and ok, but a big lesson that having my family change so much has brought me is to really focus more on being present during special moments. I pay more attention to the energy, how lovely the connection feels, and feeling happiness being around those that I love. I remember to be grounded (practicing feeling my body parts, grounding roots into the earth from my feet, etc…) in order to really be in my body and enjoy the time that I have.
Because time is short. Things change. Life is uncertain…and lovely and magical and amazing! Take time to enjoy the mystery and surprise. And the way it is right now. It is magical and divine, and perfectly in alignment to help you with your evolution.
My wish for you is to be in peace and in the present to feel the magic of appreciation. We don’t have to lose things to remember this…we are all so very blessed.
Read more about Relationship Issues with Shana Olmstead.
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
