Is it Time to Leave Your Relationship?

If you’ve landed on this page, you probably have some questions about your relationship. You may have questioned it from the beginning and ignored your intuition. Maybe you are becoming more and more aware of problems between you and your partner. A betrayal or crisis may have occurred that has changed the relationship.

Any time these questions come up, they present an opportunity to examine the role you are playing in your relationship and grow in the process.

Ignoring Your Intuition

We usually come into our relationships with some emotional baggage from our pasts. Sometimes we’re drawn to partners who aren’t good for us because we are unaware of our old baggage. We usually get signs or “red flags” along the way that we ignore because we think “it will get better.”

For example, if you were raised in a household in which one or both parents were emotionally distant, you may be drawn to an emotionally distant partner.

You may tell yourself that your partner will probably change, and if you could just do or say things differently, they would understand. You may have tried many things to fix or change the relationship, but nothing works.

Problems Are Getting Worse

Waiting and hoping for someone to change doesn’t work. You most likely know this by now, but still don’t know what to do. Wishing someone will change and getting angry at them for being who they are doesn’t help.

You’ve tried to explain to them over and over how you feel, but they just don’t “get it.” You’re probably frustrated and confused, thinking “Why don’t they understand?”

Crisis Happens

When we keep trying to make a relationship work, without changing the underlying issues things come to a head, then conflict or a severe breach is bound to happen.

Sometimes it’s an affair or another betrayal, or sometimes, the feelings of helplessness and loneliness just get too intense to ignore anymore.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Leaving a relationship is usually a difficult decision. Nobody wants to hurt someone or be hurt. It can also be a scary thought to be without a relationship partner.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering whether to leave a relationship:

  • Have I considered my role in the problems?
    • It’s very easy to think all problems in the relationship are your partner’s fault, but there are always two sides.
    • Taking responsibility for your contribution gives you more power and choice.
    • Make a list of the things you can do to make the relationship better and try them.
    • If you need help understanding your part, I can help you see that more clearly and work on it.
  • Am I clear on what I need from my partner?
    • We don’t get what we need out of a relationship if we don’t know what we need.
    • Take some time to think about which of your needs are not getting met. Are these needs reasonable?
  • Have I communicated my feelings and needs to my partner?
    • Once you are clear on your part and what you need from your partner, it’s time to tell them.
  • Is my partner open to discussion and working on the relationship?
    • If the answer is yes, great! You’ve found a possible potential match.
      • Continue the work fn knowing yourself, communicating your needs and increasing connection.
      • Know that there’s hope. As long as each partner is willing to do their own work, things can change.
      • If you are still having trouble but want help, please consider couples therapy to work through any leftover problems.
    • If the answer is no, you have another problem. If you have done the above steps and your partner is not open to communication and change, you may have to consider moving on.

Ending relationships is difficult, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. However, a break-up is always an opportunity to grow and know yourself more as well.

Questioning your relationship means something needs to change in order for you to feel at peace. The process of change may feel uncomfortable, but being stuck probably feels worse.

You deserve to be happy and at peace in or out of a relationship. You don’t need to feel stuck anymore!