She was scared to go places by herself, to speak her mind, and to wear the unique styles that really express her personality. She was scared to tell people in her life who she really was, and what she wanted for her life. She was stuck in a cycle of anxiety and self-criticism, which was exacerbated by some of the people around her not understanding her.
She’s like most of the people that I work with. Ready to expand and grow, an old sweet, sensitive compassionate soul.
She, like most of these sweet empathic people, also tended to be self-critical and
so much harder on herself than anyone else in her life. This blocked her from doing what she wanted to do, wearing what she wanted to wear, and saying what was hers to say.
She started to journal. It started to help her understand herself and her patterns 
more. She is so impressive, just a little bit of self-exploration has made a big difference for her so quickly.
She discovered that she had been dimming her light to protect those around her. She had fallen into the habit of self-criticism to fit in with her family and friends. It felt too uncomfortable to be positive about herself when nobody she knew did.
This discovery allowed her to realize that she felt better about herself than she had actually thought. She recognized that she could let go of that old self-critical habit and, with her mindful awareness, practice new ways of feeling and speaking about herself.
This translates into her feeling more confident, expressing herself more, and doing more in the world because she believes she can.
Self-awareness is so exciting and can free you up to expand to new levels of consciousness.
Some ways to get to know and understand yourself more are:
1. Identify a Challenge:
What is an issue in your life that you feel stuck about?
For my client it was self-criticism, but some other examples could be: anxiety, people-pleasing, or fear of conflict among many other things.
This will be an issue you feel has a negative impact on you, and maybe you feel it’s just a part of your personality, or “just the way you are.”
2. Get Out of Your Head:
You have been stuck in a habit of unconscious behavior and finding the answers to shifting this will not be found in your brain.
In order to access the deeper layers of truth in your body, it’s important to practice meditation, physical movement, and mindfulness.
Before you move onto asking yourself the questions in step 3, relax your nervous system and get out of your brain by meditating and bringing your awareness to the sensations in your body.
3. Ask the Hard Questions:
Pull out your journal after you’ve identified something that you’d like to create more awareness about and quieted your mind through meditation.
Ask yourself:
When is the first time I remember feeling this way?
Write about the experience in detail, who was there, how did you feel, what did you see?
What unconscious belief did this create?
Some examples could be: “I feel bad about myself”, “It’s unsafe to speak my needs”, “I’m an anxious person.”
How does this impact me now?
Some examples could be: “I’m always criticizing myself,” “I sacrifice too much for others,” “I am scared to go places by myself.”
4. How Do I Want to Change this?
With self-awareness comes the power to change!
We are in charge of our lives and when we bring the unconscious to conscious awareness, it can evolve and change. Now that you are aware, you can challenge the old beliefs and create new ones.
Write down in your journal a belief that you want to change, and the new belief you want to practice.
For example, if you realized you were self critical because your mom was also very self critical, you can practice a new belief:
“I am learning to love myself more every day”
And then to integrate this new belief, practice proactively repeating this 10 times every 30 minutes. Remember to slow down and create the feeling of self-love in the body to truly transform the cellular memory of this old belief into the new one.
Over time and with practice, this becomes the dominant belief, and you actually start feeling better, more confident, and more self-loving.
This practice can be repeated for many old patterns and beliefs, and if you need additional help on understanding yourself, please reach out to a therapist to help you even more.
Read more about Anxiety Treatment with Shana Olmstead.
