I’ve heard often in my work different versions of people not trusting others. It can sound like “I just like to be alone” or “I was hurt in the past, so I know people will just disappoint me.”
This can develop for valid reasons that I can understand, like trauma, neglect, betrayal, and others. It is very common, and it always breaks my heart just a little when I hear it.
Although I understand this feeling and where it comes from, I don’t believe it is helpful for growth or expansion on a soul level. We are all connected, and it’s just fear that triggers this illusion of separation.
As we start to become more self-aware, and understand the roots of where these fears developed, we can begin to slowly expand.
It doesn’t mean that it’s not ok to be alone or have preferences for a smaller circle. It’s important to understand for yourself if this is just “who you are,” or coming from hurt or disappointment from the past.
Empathic people tend to give too much of themselves, until they recognize their self-worth, especially when they grew up with an emotionally immature parent (like most people).
This pattern can play into the lack of trust with others. If you give to a toxic person, of course they will disappoint you, they’re not capable of a healthy relationship.
This doesn’t, however, mean that there are no trustworthy people on the planet.
Beginning to work on trust with yourself and expanding your feeling of trust of humanity will help you feel calmer, happier and safer in your body.
1. Develop Trust with Yourself:
Practice living with integrity with yourself.
For example, setting just a small promise to yourself to take a walk 5 times a week.
Following through on this helps you trust your feelings, which helps you tune into them when choosing healthy and safe people to be in your life.
2. Understand Your History:
Journal, meditate, talk to your therapist to work on understanding the root of the fear of trusting others.
As you begin to understand, you will start to realize that this fear is not really “who you are” but was a defense mechanism to keep you feeling separate and safe.
3. Work on Your Belief System:
Working on your energy and belief system about others before you start to expand who you have in your life will help you to build a foundation of safety and trust in yourself.
Practice new beliefs about yourself and the world, for example:
“I trust myself to keep myself safe”
“There are so many good people in the world”
4. Work on the Energy:
Grounding yourself and reminding your body that you are safe will help you feel more comfortable to expand your circle.
Pay attention to when your fear response gets triggered in your body.
Take three slow, deep breaths, and tell yourself “I’m safe in this moment”
Practice feeling and visualizing yourself, multiple times a day, laughing and having fun with new people.
Affirm: “I’m expanding my healthy community every day.”
5. Start Slow and Small:
It can be helpful to begin this work with a trusted friend or therapist, someone you feel very safe with.
Start opening up and expressing your feelings more.
As you begin feeling safer, see how it feels to be just a little more vulnerable, or to ask someone new to do something with you.
6. Stay Connected to Your Intuition:
Many empathic people feel they can’t trust people because they’ve been hurt in the past.
This is because they weren’t able to trust their intuitive voice that was telling them to get away from this person, they were thinking more about the other person, or were in fear that blocked their intuition.
As you are expanding to new people, keep checking in with how it feels to you, and trust it.
You are in charge of your energy and who you allow into your energy, if it doesn’t feel right, trust that feeling!
Read more about Anxiety Treatment with Shana Olmstead.
