My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4 months after my mom unexpectedly passed away. We all knew what that meant. Well I did anyway. I felt the grief of losing him the moment I started googling his symptoms…a feeling that this is what he had, which meant I would soon be losing him as well.
Before this experience I had dealt with death the “normal” human amount I would say. I lost both of my grandfathers whom I wasn’t that close too in the eighties and nineties. I lost my stepfather in 2006 as well. This loss was very hard for me, but more difficult for the way it impacted my mom. He was her soulmate, and I think a big part of her died with him as well.
Starting in 2015 however, grief and death became a powerful teacher for me. I had laid a beautiful groundwork, I can see now looking back. My spiritual awakening and ongoing spiritual practice had been in place for almost 15 years. I had a philosophy of life and death that felt true to me, and I knew in my bones that our souls all chose to be here, choose when we die, and everything is always unfolding for our highest good. This belief system carried me through probably the most difficult year or so of my life, the year I lost both of my parents, my grandmother, my best friend’s brother, and my great aunt.
So back to the story. Once my dad got the official diagnosis of pancreatic cancer my grief really kicked in. We were visiting family for Christmas when we urgently had to come home, because the doctor was concerned about dad. I was in the back of the car on the way home, googling his symptoms and crying silently so I wouldn’t worry anyone else, when I got a call that my best friend and main support person had suddenly lost her brother as well.
The week between Christmas and New Years of that year my whole body was trying to integrate the unbelievable information, my mom really died 4 months ago, and now my dad is going to as well. It didn’t make any sense. They were divorced, they both had cancer, is this really happening?
My mom had been sick for a few months before she passed. The doctors didn’t understand what was happening to her, although looking back it is very obvious. They diagnosed her with blood clots and anemia, she had lost lots of weight and looked very sick. When I googled her symptoms the diagnosis that made the most sense intuitively and logically was colon cancer. I didn’t want to know this, and when I brought it up to my mom she really didn’t want to know either. She would say “They’re working on it, we don’t need to look for some tumor Shana.” The health care team she was working with was not communicating with each other, and a week before she passed told her that there was no need to look for any cancer. I had to respect her health care decisions.
She was off work because she was feeling so bad, and staying with my sister when I got the call late one night from my sister “We’re at the hospital, mom’s not breathing and they say she’s very sick, you need to come down here now.” I live in the Seattle area and they were in Portland, so I threw some things in a suitcase and jumped on the I-5 headed south like I had so many times before, even though I knew this time was different.
She was on life support and no longer conscious when I got there. I had never been in a situation like that before, so strange to see your mom so weak and small, and not really there anymore. We stayed overnight and it wasn’t until the next day the doctors finally did a scan which revealed cancer that probably started in her colon and had spread with tumors throughout her whole body.
My sister was very angry at the doctors and yelled at them, “How could you not have known about all of this cancer!?” We have always been very different and while I was sad and in shock, at the same time I knew deeply that this was the way it was supposed to play out. My mom never was one for discussing feelings or having people take care of her. I believe now that it would have been her own personal hell to go through the traumatic diagnosis and treatment of colon cancer, and her soul wanted to go just as it did.
We had to make the decision to end life support. That night of waiting for her to pass in the hospital room was enormously painful and sad. I was feeling my mom’s distress (as I had done unconsciously my whole life) and wanted her to let go so it would stop hurting so much.
It was also magical. Again, I had never been so close to death before and didn’t realize how much the veil thins at that time between this world and the other side. I could sense my stepfather, with his arms outstretched, at the head of mom’s bed the whole time, patiently waiting for her to come home. I felt angels everywhere, protecting all of us, and a big part of me was deeply at peace throughout the whole process.
I took off my rose quartz bracelet, put it on my mom to take with her, and said a final goodbye before she passed. The days that followed are still a blur of friends, family, food, a memorial service, tears and miracles. My mom came to me right away and apologized for not taking care of her health and leaving us too soon, which of course was unnecessary. I loved and cherished her and whatever decision her soul made on the timing of her passing.
People in my family didn’t really view death in the same way I did, but I did have some soul pod members that got it. Many of my support group were amazing during this time, surrounded and supported me and told me how strong and amazing I was. Some of my support group didn’t show up in that way which was so sad for me, but also helpful in knowing people’s capabilities and their new roles in my life.
A few months later when my dad was diagnosed and I felt what would be happening soon, I tried to talk to my family about the truth I felt deeply, that dad was not going to be around much longer. They were all moving through their own processes, and much of it involved hoping for the best. My dad’s saying through the 6 months from diagnosis to his passing was “I’m not going anywhere.”
I was more prepared for the dying process this time. I got the opportunity to move through the death and dying process in a slower more mindful way with my dad, which is more his style. My mom did it the way she wanted, and my dad’s soul in this process did as well.
He had just married the love of his life 3 months earlier. His soul finally knew what deep unconditional love was, and now it got to learn how to be nurtured and taken care of through the end of his life. My stepmother was an amazing and selfless caretaker. My sister and I were still deep in the grieving process for our mom, and were there also, but my stepmom was there every day, day in and day out, doing the hard work of helping him be as peaceful as he could be through this difficult time.
While my dad didn’t want to talk about the possibility of him dying, he was able to just be my dad through those months. It got harder and harder for him as time went on and his pain got worse and worse, but he was still there on the other end of the phone saying “I’m not going anywhere babydoll.”
He finally passed 6 months after he was diagnosed, 11 months after my mom had passed. It was so different than my mom. He was at home, with hospice. Family got to come and say goodbye and hug and cry with him. It was devastating and sad again, of course, but somehow easier. I had had some practice. He came to me immediately after while I was sitting on his favorite motorcycle in his garage the day after he passed. He told me he was happy, and that he was here and going to be here to help me and my children be happy now and forever. I definitely felt peace and bliss connecting with him in that moment.
In between the deaths of my parents was the death of my grandmother. She is who I get my spiritual, woo woo, crystal loving intuitive side from. She was amazing and magical and before her time in her belief systems. She was 93, so it was more expected, but of course still incredibly sad.
All of them have helped me through the grieving process. All of them connect with me even more deeply and frequently than they were able to in human form. All of them love me beyond measure and help me in many areas in my life and always will.
They have already helped me awaken even more to my true spiritual nature. They have helped me know and trust in communication from the other side. They have helped me have faith and trust in myself and the universe as a whole. They have helped increase my confidence in my voice. They have helped me find spiritual teachers to help me grow and expand even more into my power in the world. They come to me to tell me how proud they are of me and how much they love me.
In many ways, even though it has been so difficult, and nothing I ever wanted in my life, their deaths have helped me grow. While of course I cried and still do, I let myself feel the feelings of grief and move through them. I also realized how strong I was. I realized how true for me my beliefs are about the nature of the universe, life and death. If this was a test of my patience, trust and faith, I passed with flying colors. I never lost my belief in a sense of the bigger picture. I never questioned why this happened, or what could have been different. I knew, even though it was so painful, that all is always working out for me.
This transformative grief has increased my knowingness in the magic and connectedness of all things, through all of the big and small miracles that happened through the process. I have seen grief be a transformative process for others as well, clients, friends and family members.
I believe nothing is an accident and we are all connected, those in human form and those on the other side. They want to connect with us and help us find peace about their passing as well as other areas of our lives.
Some things that helped me survive and thrive through these significant losses in my life while maintaining a full time practice and being a mom of two teenagers are:
- Starting to prepave a philosophy and belief system as soon as possible that helped make sense of life and death. This was crucial to the peace and acceptance I felt much sooner than those around me through these deaths.
- Maintaining and even increasing spiritual practices during the death and dying process as well as the grieving process. It’s just as important as eating well, drinking water and sleeping. You might not feel like it at first but the more you can stay in alignment the easier it will be to move through it.
- Let yourself cry. Find soul pod members to talk about your loved ones with that can hold space for you and let you cry. Think of your loved ones often instead of pushing the thoughts and feelings away to get by. If you don’t express your feelings they will stay stuck and you won’t move through the grief.
- Connect with them often. Write them letters. Have a verbal or written conversations with them often to connect. In meditation, conjure up some beautiful happy memories with them and ask them to connect with you. Beings on the other side are in very high frequency, so in order to connect you must elevate your own energy by doing things that bring you joy, and remembering happy times with them.
- Keep them alive. Continue to talk about them with people that knew them in a deep way as well as others in your life. Keep reminders and pictures around your environment to keep them in your life. Think of them often.
Although no one wants to lose a loved one, it really can be a time of breakthroughs and miracles. My wish for you is that you are able to see the beauty and transformative potential as well.
Blessings.
Read more about Spiritual Counseling with Shana Olmstead.
Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant
I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.
