How to Set Boundaries as an Empath

Setting boundaries can be really hard. Especially for sweet, sensitive empathic people like you. Sometimes it only happens when you have reached your limit. Then you may explode (internally or at the person!) or just shut down and hide.

Then the pattern repeats. You “get over it” and let them cross your boundaries again. Then the resentment builds, you swallow it, and again reach the point of exploding or hiding.

Why is it so hard to set boundaries? We learn growing up in our family of
origin how to do this, or not. If our family was very enmeshed (all up in each other’s business) then boundaries tend to be way too fluid, or nonexistent.

If we grew up in an emotionally disconnected family, boundaries can be too rigid, not allowing for the deep emotional connection that is so important for all of us.

We chose all of those around us to learn and grow. It is not an accident that your mom pushes your buttons. Or that your sister doesn’t listen to you. Or that you keep attracting friends that take advantage of you.

Your soul wants to learn from these experiences and people. Your higher self brought all of these experiences to you so that you can grow in your power, your self love, and your consciousness.

It is an unconscious experience to continually violate your own boundaries. When you discover this act of self-betrayal, of not listening to and being in alignment with your higher self, that is the moment you cannot help but respect your own boundaries

You recognize that the only thing that matters is your evolution, and anything slowing that down needs to change, even if that is spending too much time with people in your family that drain your energy.

If keeping your vibration high so that you can evolve in your consciousness is your highest priority, it becomes so much easier to set boundaries.

Some ways to set boundaries as an empath:

1. Internal Reflection:

Take some time to meditate and journal about this.

Ask yourself “Please express to me what is in my highest good about boundaries”

Just notice what comes up without judgment and use this information to set boundaries with those in your life.

2. Noticing in the Moment:

Create awareness of how your body feels in the moment when your mom is complaining (again), or your sister-in-law is inviting herself over (again).

When you feel annoyed, resentful, or drained of energy, that is a sign that a boundary may need to happen.

Try: “Hey mom, let’s change the subject” and “Hey lovely sister-in-law, we’re just going to have a family night tonight.”

Awareness of how you feel in the moment is a lifelong practice as your needs evolve over time.

3. Self-Compassion Even More than Other Compassion:

As an empath you’re automatically going to probably have more compassion for whoever you need to set a boundary with, than for yourself.

Try getting out of yourself for a moment, and ask: “What advice would I give a friend about this boundary?”

You are probably amazing at giving super strong, brave, boundary setting advice to your friends, so you just need to follow your own brilliant advice!

4. Be OK With Them Being Upset:

Go into boundary setting with the expectation that it is for you, and it doesn’t matter how the other person responds.

If they get upset, it means they may have some internal work to do, and it is not a reflection of you doing anything wrong.

Of course, you always want to be kind, and come from the understanding that we are all one, and everyone is trying their best. This gives the best chance of maintaining a positive relationship.

Tell yourself: “I’m going to speak my authentic truth with love and compassion, and setting this boundary is helping me grow into a more powerful version of myself. If they get upset, it’s not about me.”