I recently had brunch with some friends and they let me know that this is my catchphrase. They told me that they were at the gym the other day, working out, feeling tired and sweaty and exhausted but hadn’t done their whole workout. They were about to keep going, out of guilt and obligation, and then they remembered the phrase “don’t push it too hard” and left the gym. They decided to honor their true feelings, take care of their bodies, and let themselves off the hook that day just a little bit.
I mean aren’t we all pushing it too hard with everything most of the time? So many people work too hard, don’t rest enough, and are busy with everything all the time. Pushing. It. Too. Hard. We think we don’t have time, and we have to achieve, and produce, and do, and have.
We think that the harder we push, the more we do and have, the better we will feel. That next promotion will do it, or buying the bigger house or the nicer car. Pushing ahead all the time, just trying to get a little of the feeling of ease and flow and comfort that we all want.
The problem with this approach is that it doesn’t work at all. Pushing and pushing pushes away what we want. Pushing is the opposite of peace.
I propose a new way of being…not pushing it too hard.
This means with everything. Work, relationships, working out, eating, all of it. Not pushing it too hard is one of the values I live by.
So many people I work with believe that the harder they push, and the more they criticize themselves, the happier and more successful they will be. They think if they stop pushing they might end up homeless and alone.
This is absolutely false, I have seen it over and over in my clients. They become gentler to themselves, and their lives keep getting better and better.
This just happened in real time, as a clear sign from the Universe that this message is in alignment right now. I just took a little break from writing, turned on the TV, and the movie Office Space was on. Here is the description: “A computer programmer’s hypnosis induced, lackadaisical attitude about work puts him on the corporate fast-track” I mean, you can’t make this stuff up!
In working with clients I have seen so many real, tangible benefits when they can slow down, make choices from their soul instead of their mind, and take it easier. These include: doing less work but getting better feedback and getting more promotions, more connection in relationships, and less anxiety and stress.
The benefits of not pushing it too hard in all areas of life are many, including more peace, more comfort, feeling happier, connecting more in your relationships and living a life of alignment, ease and grace.
Here are a few steps to live a life of not pushing it too hard:
1. Identify the places you are pushing too hard:
Spend some time none judgmentally identifying the areas of your life that you are forcing your energy and need more balance in.
Some questions to ask yourself are:
“Do I care too much about approval/judgment at work?”
“Am I doing too much to help other people, including children or family?”
“Am I pushing myself too hard physically? Judgment, working out too much, dieting, etc.?”
2. Practice Awareness of your energy:
Asking the above questions, as well as paying attention to your energy frequently, will allow you to have the awareness of when you are forcing your energy.
Some ways to tell if you are forcing your energy are your body sensations, emotions, and thoughts.
Some signs in your body that will tell you if you are forcing are, among others:
Tightness anywhere
Clenched stomach
Hunched shoulders
Clenched jaw
Shallow breathing
Some ways your emotions can tell you if you are pushing too hard are:
Anxiety
Fear
Pressure
Stress
And some examples of thoughts that can let you know:
“I have to do…..”
“They will be mad if I ……”
“I should….”
Any self-critical thoughts
If you notice any of these signs, slow down, take some deep breaths, check in with yourself, and move on to number 3.
3. Make a different choice:
Once you have created the awareness of areas of your life where you get triggered to push too hard, and have become aware of the sensations, thoughts and feelings that indicate that you need to slow your energy down, it’s time to start practicing a new choice in those moments.
My friends were a great example, if you are at the gym and feel like leaving, leave. If you are working 14 hour days to impress your boss that doesn’t seem to care anyway, stop. If you pressure yourself to make a healthy, organic, meal every single day for your family, take the day off!
Baby steps are important to help you build confidence, shift momentum, and create permanent change. Maybe start by working 13 hour days instead of 14. Or stop checking your email at 9:00 instead of 10:00, or go on a 4 mile run instead of 5.
Just start listening to yourself and your energy more, it knows what is most beneficial for you. Once you start making the small changes, and noticing how much better and more peaceful you feel, the momentum will just keep building.
4. Be kind to yourself:
It is normal to feel pressure to force your energy. We live in a culture that supports being busy, and doing and achieving, more than being and feeling and flowing.
Because you probably have had the habit of pushing too hard for many years, it will take time to shift it.
The kinder and more gentle and encouraging you can be to yourself during your process of changing this pattern, the better it will feel and the faster it will happen.
Tell yourself things like “I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself” and “Look how much better you feel when you make choices that are in your highest good.”
This helps you keep moving forward and letting go of the old voice of fear and judgment that drives the pushing too hard behavior.
I get a lot done. I have a full and successful private practice, two teenagers that I parent, family and friends that I am in close relationships with, and I also take good care of my physical, mental and spiritual health.
Not pushing it too hard doesn’t mean you don’t get stuff done and aren’t successful, to me it means the opposite.
I hope you have as much fun as I do finding ways to “not push it too hard” in your own life!
Learn more about Spiritual Counseling with Shana Olmstead.
