What is Spiritual Bypassing? According to John Welwood, who coined the term in his classic book, Toward a Psychology of Awakening, it is: “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
Sometimes it feels too painful to deal with difficult situations or emotions, so spiritual bypassing can be used as a defense mechanism to sidestep discomfort. While focusing on the spiritual aspects can feel good in the moment, if the true feelings are not resolved, it creates distance, stagnation, and misalignment.
I understand this tendency on a personal level. It is super fun to stay in spiritual land, meditating and looking at 
crystals all day. In truth we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, so it makes sense that our souls crave spiritual connection.
But we all chose this human form this time around. Humans have feelings, and need to be able to acknowledge and process them appropriately in order for them to move through us and be the messengers that they were intended to be.
It’s necessary and important to allow yourself to feel, process and understand your emotions. It’s necessary and important to understand and process old wounds and trauma. If we stay in the spiritual space all the time, we stay stuck. We don’t allow ourselves to do the deep work of transformation that’s truly required for evolution on a soul level.
If you recognize yourself as a spiritual bypasser, it’s ok. Forgive yourself, work on awareness, and remind yourself it’s safe and necessary to let yourself feel your true feelings.
Some ways to tell if you are spiritual bypassing:
1. You Don’t Want to Talk About it:
You say things like: “It is what it is” or “It was for the best.” “It” can be anything. Your relationship, your job, your childhood. You feel uncomfortable discussing an aspect of your life.
2. You Deny Your Feelings:
You say things like: “Everything’s fine” or “You don’t need to worry about that.” Your friends or family can clearly see there is an issue with something in your life, they even ask you about the issue sometimes, but you stay in denial.
3. You Pretend That Everything is Okay When it’s Not:
You say things like: “Good Vibes only!” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
4. You Don’t Want to Focus on the Present Reality:
You say things like: “I’ll deal with it later.” Or “I’m focusing on this area of my life instead.” Instead of dealing with real problems in your life you spend your time praying, or meditating, or going to workshops.
5. You Overemphasize the Positive and Avoid the Negative:
You say things like: “It was a blessing in disguise” or “I don’t want to focus on the negative” Rather than looking at the situation realistically, and allowing yourself to move through and release your feelings, you pretend you don’t feel anything negative.
What to do instead:
1. Find Ways to Talk About it:
Practice saying things like: “It’s uncomfortable to think about this, but I can do it.” And “I am safe in this moment.” Find some safe people in your life to share your feelings, or a therapist who can gently hold space for you.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings:
Practice saying things like: “I feel______. “ And “It is ok to feel anything I feel.” It is important to start allowing yourself to increase your awareness of your feelings. Reminding your body that it’s safe to feel will allow you to increase your awareness of the feelings that have always been there, but have just been hidden by your tendency to deny and repress them.
3. Acknowledge What is Not Okay:
Practice saying things like: “So many things in my life are going well, and this is an area I’d like to improve/understand more.” And “This is a challenge for me.” Let yourself acknowledge uncomfortable, sad, frustrating, or angry feelings. They are there to help highlight areas that need to be healed or changed in your life.
4. Work on Living in the Moment:
Practice saying things like: “I’m so excited about my spiritual practice, and I’m also working on finding a new job because I realize it’s just not a good fit anymore.” And “I am surrounded by loving angels, and my relationship is a shit show and I am working on changing it.” Make sure you are dealing with your real life concerns in real time, instead of just praying about them and hoping they change by themselves.
5. Embrace Your Shadow:
Practice saying things like: “It’s ok to not be ok.” And “I embrace all parts of myself.” Everyone has both light and darkness, lovely light, and heavy darkness. Joy and love and wounds and frustration. Denying all of these parts of yourself keeps you stuck. You can’t continue your evolution without embracing all of you. Spiritual bypassing can feel fun in the moment, but I encourage you to gently and kindly also remind yourself to deal with the physical world, and your real feelings as well. Your feelings are messengers to help guide you on your path in life. If you ignore them, you are denying a crucial part of your internal guidance system. Bringing the spiritual into the real world is so helpful and important, we just need to remember to create balance and not ignore the real psychological concerns as well.
