“If you feel like you don’t fit into the world you inherited it is because you were born to help create a new one.”
― Ross Caligiuri, Dreaming in the Shadows
When my daughter was 5, she took ballet. She had fun, but was never actually doing what the teacher wanted, or what the rest of the little cutie pies were doing. The most hilarious example of this was a pretty big performance at a Christmas recital. There were over a hundred people in the audience, including many members of her family coming to watch her do her thing.
As her little group started, it became clear from the first note that she had her very own personal show that she was putting on for all of us. When the rest of the girls went left, she went right, when they all in unison danced towards the back of the stage, she twirled towards the front.
It wasn’t that she was rebelling or trying to make anyone upset. She just was dancing to her own rhythm; she always has and always will.
I’ve learned a lot from her about courage and owning who I am. She always does her own thing, though she goes more in and out of trying to fit in now that she is a teenager. I admire the way she is boldly unique, even though she is seeing and
feeling the pressure to conform more than she did when she was a free little thing. The image posted with this blog is her 
art, free and happy on the left side, feeling pressured to “fit in” on the right.
Myself, and many of the clients that come to me, have felt at least in some period of their lives that they don’t fit in. In our families, or friend groups, or school, or workplace. There are so many places to judge ourselves for not fitting into.
On a bigger level, it’s a feeling of knowing that we don’t even fit into this world, this strange existence of being “human.” Why is there anger, and hatred, and violence, and separation?
Much of the time, especially for sensitive empathic people, we tend to judge ourselves for this feeling. “Why can’t I just be normal” I’ve heard so many times from clients. They think that everyone else feels completely a part of things, and they judge themselves for feeling different.
In my view, to move through this feeling, it’s so important to pull back, look at the bigger picture, and be open to love and acceptance of both yourself and the situation.
For example, I work with a client who works in tech, and is also very sensitive, compassionate, and values connecting with others in a deep way. She doesn’t understand why she feels so uncomfortable at work, and why she can’t connect with her coworkers.
While it’s completely fine for her to continue working there, in order for her to come to more peace around it, we have been working on her both accepting herself and her gifts of empathy and sensitivity as well as accepting the fact that she and her coworkers may be operating in different vibrational frequencies.
Empaths tend to judge ourselves for doing something wrong, or not being nice or giving enough, or being boring, or whatever. Instead, it can be more helpful to take a clear objective look at the situation. In this case this means, my client continuing to work on self-love and acceptance of her beautiful uniqueness, as well as reminding herself that if she and her coworkers don’t understand each other that there is nothing wrong with her.
She can keep working there, and in my experience, she will also need other places in her life where she feels completely accepted and loved, as well as a sense of contributing to people in her life, in order to feel balanced as a sensitive person in a not always so sensitive world.
Us empaths, healers, sensitive people, etc. are probably going to continue feeling a little out of place for awhile, but that’s ok. The collective consciousness is continuing to awaken, and as the population continues to evolve, we feel less isolated, and more part of the community of the global evolution of consciousness.
If and when we don’t fit in, instead of judging ourselves, let’s send love to ourselves and others in the situation to elevate the frequency of all involved.
Let’s remember that there is no separation, that we are all one, and people that know this can increase the light of the planet by continuing to shine our own light, and helping others release fear and increase love as well.
How to Not Fit in and Not Care:
- Ignore Your Self-Judgment:
If you don’t feel like you fit in, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
- Be Kind and Accepting to Yourself and Others:
Fill your aura with self-loving thoughts and send them love too.
Just because you don’t fit together, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or them, your vibes just don’t vibe together, and that’s ok!
- Seek Out Belonging with Like Minded Folks:
Your people are out there, even if you haven’t found them yet.
The more you accept yourself and others, the more easily you will attract those on a similar level of consciousness.
- Remember You Chose This:
You are not here by accident.
You chose to come here to evolve, and to assist in the collective evolution of consciousness.
You are here not to fit in, but to be a light seeker and expander, and a way shower to a new, more evolved, more loving and collaborative way of being. You chose this, and you can do it!
Read more about Spiritual Counseling with Shana Olmstead.
