Being Assertive as an Empath

Sensitive people often tend to have a hard time speaking assertively.  Especially if they think they might hurt someone’s feelings.

Here’s the truth.  Empathic, sensitive people for sure care about other people, a lot, sometimes more than themselves.  They also don’t like to feel bad.

When they say some things to someone that could potentially be disappointing, an empath not only feels the anxiety leading up to the conversation, they then feel the projection of whatever feeling they believe the other person may feel, then the emotion the other person actually does feel, and then their own shame at being such a terrible person for “rocking the boat.”

This is an exaggeration of course.  There are plenty of empathic people that are assertive and have worked through how to enforce their own energetic boundaries enough that difficult conversations aren’t as much of a problem anymore.

In general, however, this is a pattern I have seen that is common in sensitive people.  They are SOOO nice!  They care so much about everyone, and tend to try to protect their own emotional state from disruption.

Sensitive people feel everything so deeply.  It can create a pattern of almost hiding from emotional experiences, as to avoid the lengthy repair process of coming back to internal harmony.  

One simple conversation that may not impact the other person, AT ALL, can leave an empath shaken with strong feelings for days!  So, it makes sense that until the empath learns how to cope more effectively with their own strong feelings and strengthen their own energetic boundaries, that they would avoid any emotionally triggering conversations like the plague.

There are so many ways to work through this pattern, you don’t have to be stuck in this cycle forever.

It’s so important to learn to work through these fears so that you can have the life and relationships that you truly deserve.

Here are some things that work for me and the empathic souls that I work with:

1. Create Awareness:

In order to change anything, ever, we have to create awareness first.

Try just non-judgmentally observing yourself first. 

Get a journal, and for a week, take note of when
you are silencing your truth.  

Write down the situation, your feelings, your justifications, and your behavior.  For example:  

“My wife was short with me and the kids again.  It hurt my feelings, and I’m worried about the impact on the kids. I also know how stressed out she is right now, so I just tried harder to help her out instead of telling her how I feel.”

By the end of the week, your patterns will be more obvious to you, and simply raising your awareness about this usually creates behavior change even before the week is over.

As you see how much you suppress yourself, you will naturally feel more motivated to live more in alignment with your true self.

2. Change Your Story:

Sensitive people usually have lots of good reasons for protecting themselves and others from difficult feelings inside their sweet empathic minds.

Many stories that usually Are. Not. True.

Things like “I don’t want to rock the boat, we’re having such a good day,” and “I don’t want to hurt their feelings/make them mad/sad/etc..,” and “I don’t want to feel bad, I’m already struggling with my mental health.”

In my experience, unless the other person is deeply wounded, conversations of vulnerability and truth usually go well, and both people feel more connected afterwards.

So, it’s very important to set your story to help create a different reality.  Rather than “I don’t want to rock the boat; we’re having a good day.” Try “It’s a great time for a conversation, since we’re both in a high vibration right now, it most likely will go well.”

Instead of “I don’t want to hurt their feelings/make them mad/sad/etc…” Try “True connection isn’t possible without authenticity and vulnerability, I can handle however they feel.”

Instead of “I don’t want to feel bad, I’m already struggling with my mental health.” Try “Having this conversation will help to improve my mental health because holding back how I feel makes my mental health worse.”

3. Use it to Help You Grow:

Everyone is here as a spiritual teacher for us.

When you can remind yourself of your motivation, it can help you move forward to having a difficult conversation.

Try on the perspective that the more challenging the conversation feels, the more it will help you grow.

Most empaths in my experience, are also old who who only want the best for humanity.  

If we can look at speaking your truth as a way to help yourself and those you are speaking to as a way to grow on a soul level, it can help you feel stronger to be vulnerable when it feels hard.

4. Set Your Energy:

Just remember that you are a being of light, and nothing can hurt you.

Visualize yourself surrounded by light, or butterflies, or hearts. Whatever helps you feel supported and energized, and reminds you of the truth of who you are.

A spiritual being, whom other’s energy can’t impact.  Anything “negative” flows right through your energy system, and your energy remains light, high and peaceful through the whole experience.

Setting this intention before any challenging conversation will help you feel more energized and confident, and reminded that you are always loved and guided, there is nothing to fear.

It’s a beautiful thing to be empathic, and even to feel nervous about saying things.  It just shows what a lovely and caring being you are.

Just remember that you are important, and your soul wants you to express yourself.  You are not meant to suppress who you are.  You can handle any kind of feelings, and everyone benefits when you are who you are.